Archive for June, 2006

Fear

Friday, June 30th, 2006

is watching your mother drive drunk in front of you and watching an imminent collision. i very possibly saved her life today and she wont remember it the next morning.

i have 3 articles coming up and i promise quality.

8-5, how do these people last?

Thursday, June 22nd, 2006

My internship at Philips Digital Network started on Monday and since i’ve been spoiled since birth, i’ve never experienced a full time job.

Learning through experience, i’ve decided that when I start my multinational company, i’ll have a bedroom…..just so employees can take a little nap. Employees like myself who start falling asleep at the desk by 10am….just two hours after I get in. Yes, and i’ll make it nice and cold, with a warm fluffy comforter to nuzzle my employees to sleep.

Then i’ll make sure to take back the air conditioner, bed and comforter the minute my company declares bankruptcy.

There’re a few articles i’ve been meaning to finish, but I haven’t had the time with work and the 8 seasons of Frasier i’m engulfing. Oh yes, I recently purchased 8 seasons of Frasier and i’m going through them faster than a penis shrinking in ice water.

Quote of the day: “If the coward turns his back on me, i’ll attack him again”
Fraiser is just awesome.

p.s - I’m happy to announce my hair is no longer yellow and women may return to their daily dose of Louis appreciation.
p.s.s - On a serious note, if anyone wants to get their hair done, I would highly highly recommend a place called Hair Zone. Opened by one of the top 3 hairstylists in Malaysia. With a 50% discount, you really can’t go wrong. It’s near ss2, ask me for directions.

How do I get away with these things

Sunday, June 18th, 2006

I did it once before, so I thought…why not?

Several years ago, there was a road block and I was slightly intoxicated. In the 5 seconds of seeing the traffic build up at the barricades and not thinking, I promptly drove of the opposite side of the road and quickly tried to find a different route out of the city.

This time round, there was a fork in the road and I turned right to be greeted by the flashing lights and barricades. So I looked left and saw the coast was clear, all I had to do was make a U-turn against traffic for 10 or so meters and i’ll be back onto my lane.

This time round, there was a cop car waiting for imbeciles like meself.

Immediately after my felony was commited, I see the car and kept wishing for it to stay still. I see that it starts moving and I put my foot down on the pedal for an instant and remembered that World’s Wildest Police Videos never end well for the felon. So I pull over before the sirens even come on.

I immediately step out of the car and apologize for my moronic behavior and hand him my identification. He quickly lists the laws that I have broken, not bringing an Identification Card, and driving on the opposite side of the road. He starts listing the possible costs of the price of my felonys and said that I could be charged up to $600.
Note: The entire time i’m horrified at what the consequences are for attempting to escape a road block. When he mentioned that I “drove on the opposite side of the road” as opposed to the earlier, it’s like having a diamond the size of your fist fall into your lap.

Immediately after I realised that they just want a bribe, I gained control….I had the upperhand and I perform much better knowing that they want something from me instead.

He then asks whether i’ve been drinking, to which I deny profusely. He wants to get an alcohol test but I stand my ground with confidence and so he gives up on the possibility of a DUI. He asks me what I want him to do for me, I ask him what HE wants me to do for him. This while his partner is probing around my car for drugs to which I laugh at and gain even more confidence. Finally I get tired of the chase and I offer everything I have in my wallet and told them it wont even add up to a measly $50, and in the end I go…

“Sigh, saya tak ada banyak duit sekarang la boss. Just give me the saman”
(I don’t have much money)

He goes over to his partner and discuss, hoping to make me nervous….but by then I was basking in absolute confidence, put my hands at the wheel and smiled while they “discussed”. He came to my window and gave me just this chance, to which i’m thinking when am I ever going to see you again you mook, and waved me off.

Morale of the story: Confidence is feared, control is everything and the obvious - Louis is awesome.

Random shit and also i am still alive

Friday, June 16th, 2006

This is just a quick message to let people know that I am still alive and that I’m not laying off my writing duties, just that I’m living with my girlfriend in a house that has no internet access. It’s like she’s a cave person.

I hear it’s like 3 weeks until the Transformers teaser comes out which is fucking mad. Not like I’llk be able to see it anyway. And also the ending to X-Men fucking blows. And pretty much every single line Wolverine says. I have so much to say about X-Men about how they absolutely ruined Juggernaut and how Rogue makes me want to inflict pain on myself and how watching any scene with Cyclops in it is as stimulating as when your girlfriend wants you to watch Sweet Home Alabama and like whats with that stupid mutant who can run really fast and basically makes Cerebro obselete so where was she in the last two movies. Also if you weren’t sure already, both Iceman and Pyro are fucking faggots.

Anyways keep it real

Circumcision.

Thursday, June 15th, 2006
It recently occured to me how absolutely ridiculous the act of circumcision is. Granted that most religious practices often confuse me, the myths that circumcision have spawned since it’s inception back in 2345-2181 BCE (Wikipedia) are outright ridiculous.
The biggest myth at hand is the supposed hygene benefits of circumcision. Actually contemplate that for a moment before you continue, If you fail to realise the absurdity the myth, you don’t deserve to be on this site.
For the slow on the uptake, it’s kind of like saying we should amputate our arms in fear that they will get gangrene and fall off. Yes there is a very slight chance that your arm could spontaneously start decaying, but taking that risk of NOT amputating might just be worth it.
I mean, how absolutely FILTHY do you have to be in order to allow fungus to start growing on your foreskin. I’m pretty sure that if you never wash your feet, one of your toes are bound to fall off sooner or later.
In comparison to non-circumcised males, they get no sexual pleasure. All uncut men will agree that an uncovered penis brushing against boxers would be the equivalent of walking on coals with bare feet, unbearable…and yet ‘cut’ men do it on a daily basis with no problems. Bring on the gangrene I say!

HUZZAH!

Monday, June 12th, 2006

And we’re fixed!
Thank you Tudor

There’s no food like junk.

Sunday, June 11th, 2006

In the past 3 days I have consumed the following:

  1. 10 Packets of mamee. 2 days before that, I consumed 5.
  2. 4 Pieces of cadbury orange chocolate.
  3. 1 Packet of twisties. Bbq curry. Naturally
  4. Some kind of prawn square chips.
  5. 2 tubes of mentos. Grape and strawberry.
  6. 2 packets of nasi lemak.
  7. Countless cans of isotonic drinks.
  8. A can of sprite.

All this and a massive 0 count on the fruits and vegetables. Yes ladies and gentlemen, i’m out on a mission to look 50 by the time i’m 25. Bald, wrinkly and flaccid.

p.s - I’m sure you people are overwhelmed by the fact that you can’t post comments because there’s a problem with the site, but just deal with it and all will be well soon.

Site Down

Saturday, June 10th, 2006

You might notice the site has been going up and down lately. I’m convinced someone is attacking the site (DOS). I’m trying to get this fixed, give me time.

Also, Why do I always go to hair dressers and tell them to “do whatever you think is nice” and end up with a head full of colours?

Yes, I did it again. This time in platinum.

Yosemite

Saturday, June 3rd, 2006
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More later