suckball

I’m currently taking two, no three classes for my advanced general electives, and all of them deal with, in one way or another, discrimination against women throughout history. I came to realise that today that men can no longer do whatever is “right.” Let me give you an example.

The word “gentleman” is primarily used to describe how a man treats a woman, his poise, manners, and stature. Clearly, being a “gentleman” is a good thing. Being gentleman-ly would include holding the door for a woman, carrying things that look heavy too heavy for a woman to handle, putting an expensive coat over a puddle of water just so she can walk across etc. Whats wrong with this you ask?
The word “gentleman” was coined up in a highly highly gender biased era, so the word in itself is discriminatory, let alone the actions that are associated with it. Aforementioned, the acts such as putting a coat over a puddle of water, depicts women as “helpless” and therefore requires a man in order to keep their pretty dress from getting wet, as if walking around the puddle is such a mountainous task.

True, women are biologically weaker (Though I believe this is only true due to the centuries of oppression, which led to the devolution of women), but the fact that there are terms to describe how a gender treats the other should raise concern. If women are to be equal, they need to expect equal treatment as well.

Which brings me to this, the two reasons why gender bias exists in the world today is because:

a) Many women have no problem with the bias. (He’s such a gentleman)

b) Many women enjoy the benefits of being a woman. (Please. Like you’ve never used your sexuality to gain an advantage)

It is simply impossible for “gentlemen” to exist if women want gender equality. Women brought upon themselves the discrimination and gender inequality they faced yesterday, today, and for many years to come. So please, please stop whining about bei
ng treated unfairly because you’re a girl, when just yesterday you wore a low cut dress to try to score a free drink you hypocrites.

i mean suckball, has hopefully been fixed. Seriously, those penis enlargement pills just don’t work.

If you haven’t seen the latest episode of PRISON BREAK, you’re probably gonna get the shit SPOILED for you if you keep reading…

I remember seeing the first episode of the series PRISON BREAK with my brother two years ago, and then being powerless to stop watching. I was adamant that we would draw the process out, make the money I splashed out on the box set worthwhile, but we still couldn’t help but watch the entire season in less than a week. Season 2 started off well, but jumped the shark big time, around the point where Michael’s dad bites the bullet and by Season 3 the show has descended into clusterfuck territory. How the hell Michael’s character went from genius to fucking retard over the space of this period is beyond me. Is it realistic to have him suddenly become a moron? Is this a result of the constant mental stress of being on the run? The constant fearing for your life? The lack of adequate nutrition? Possibly.

If you guys have been keeping up with developments, you’ll know we’re on the 8th episode of the 3rd season right now. I’ve watched the 7th one and I’m going to get down to the last episode later on tonight, but while I take a break from the travesties going on in that fucking prison, I thought I’d first explain how one could possibly escape Sona Federal Penitentiary. As much as Scofield makes it look like it’s going to take a season of meticulous planning, and his ability to construct intricate devices out of defunct microwave ovens and rat hairs, let’s call a spade a fucking shovel here: it is SIMPLE.

WAY TO ESCAPE SONA #1

DON’T BE A RETARD AND RUN

By Episode 7, Michael’s plan is for him and Whistler to at 3:13, when the sun obscures the vision of one guard, and the other is drugged, to climb down a ladder and then run the ten metres across ‘No-Man’s Land’, then break through the fence that has been weakened by Sucre. In Episode 7, Michael gets all the way down and Whistler half-way, when he notices that the sun is starting to become obscured by the clouds, in his infinite stupidity, he shouts to Whistler, to GO BACK! GO BACK! I AM A FUCKING IDIOT! GO BACK!

First of all, this is retarded because he knows he’s going to have to go back and fight. So one of them is dead anyway. But why is this the most stupid thing that he could ever, possibly do? Well, here is a short list of the things that the pair of these galoots manage to do before the guard turns around to look at them:

1. Shout “Go Back” five times.
2. Watch Whistler climb back up into the window.
3. Wait for Whistler to get inside, then climb. Very slowly.
4. Look back at the guard (not climbing anymore).
5. Pull Michael inside.
6. Draw the rope ladder back inside.

And here is what he needed to do:

1. Run ten metres to the fence.

Great job. Way to draw out the season, ass.

WAY TO ESCAPE SONA #2

SIMPLE MILITARY MATH

Here is an excerpt of the Wikipedia entry for ‘The Company’ (the shadowy organisation that brought Scofield to Sona Penitentiary to break Whistler out):

The Company is a fictional covert organization featured in the American television drama/thriller series Prison Break. It is a secret group of multinationals known almost exclusively by those who work for them (with the exception of those opposing them). Its influence and power over individuals stretches to the White House, controlling every decision the country makes. Its main goal is to maintain control over the country’s economy…

The Company has influence over many agencies of the United States government, especially the Secret Service. With Caroline Reynolds (Patricia Wettig), the former Vice President of the United States in their grasp, The Company held control over the government’s sway on the energy bill and subsequently, the country’s economy. However, The Company considers every individual who works for them a pawn to achieve their goals…

The Company and its operatives has on several occasions displayed their complete lack of reason and regard to people, and also innocent peoples lives.

So these guys control almost everything powerful in America, including the SECRET SERVICE?? Here is that math for you:

2 BULLETS + ONE SNIPER RIFLE = WENTWORTH FUCKING SOME CHICK THAT VERY SAME NIGHT

These guys control (among others) the Secret Service! You’re telling me we really need Michael to drug one of the guards and bank on the other’s vision being temporarily obscured by the glare from a tin roof? You’re telling me these cats couldn’t just snipe both those mother fuckers and guarantee it? And why stop there? These guys hired that Kellerman guy with ease, you’re telling me they couldn’t put together a crack unit and break that mother fucker out of there? It is quite frankly, ludicrous to think that The Company need Scofield to get that boy out.

The only positive that this season has is that we traded out Tancredi for the hot Latina chick, and that we’ve been going only eight episodes and we’ve already had someone’s head in a box.

Okay guys, so here’s the skinny: The book has at this point, gone through 3 publishers, who were involved at different stages of development. About 2 weeks ago, after a lengthy argument with my publisher, I was forced to choose between either:

a) Having my publisher put out a neutered version of the book, missing about 15% of my writing and without my lengthy and inspired ‘Addenda’ section which appears at the end.

b) Put it out myself, make a pathetic amount of royalties, and lose all of the marketing that the publisher would have done for me.

Now, choosing which of these two options to go with is, to me, like choosing which foot I want someone to kick me in the balls with. Ultimately though, because I’m both an idealist and an idiot, I’m going to go with the latter and so I need everyone’s help. I will appreciate every single person that buys a copy of the book and everyone who recommends it to somebody. If there is anything I can do to repay anybody’s help, please, drop me an email and tell me how. Short of dating your sister or sucking your dick I’ll probably get right on it. And I might be flexible on that last one.

So what is the positive that comes of my horrible choice? Well, there are none for me, except that I might possibly take on the institution of marketing and win. The good news for you guys though, is that because I have to price the book at a figure that is affordable to people all over the world, people in Malaysia (and places like the Amazon Basin) will find the book affordable, and everyone else? Well you motherfuckers are in for a fucking bargain.

The book will be priced between $9.99 - $11.99
This works out at just under 5 Pounds Sterling and RM35

As I’m sure you know (if you live in the UK), 5 Pounds for a book is ridiculous.

As we speak, the book is with a journalist, who is reviewing the final draft. After this, I well set up the publication of the proof and I anticipate the book will be available from 24th November, the end of next week. I will have a Facebook group go live when the book does, where you guys can talk about how awesome the book is, how desperate you are for a sequel, and who you think should star in the movie adaptation.

In all seriousness though, I really meant what I said about appreciating ANY help. I know a couple of people that can help me out with contacts in the media in Malaysia, but if anyone has any contacts, anywhere that might help me, I will be forever indebted and will not forget it. Email me at thooj@coventry.ac.uk. People with your own blogs/websites, please, mention the book, or better yet review it. But only if you liked it, if you thought it was a piece of shit and use the pages to roll joints now, then just the mention will do.

I’ll probably put up another excerpt from the book between now and the release.

Thanks,

J