The Top Ten CDs I Own

By James

 

 

I'm relatively bored, and have decided that it's probably about time I throw a little wisdom your way. If you want to listen to some good fucking music, I suggest you read this article. My taste is legendary, and if you don't like any of the stuff I list, then you are a fool.

On a lighter note, there are few things that you can use to score hot girls than music. To my current girlfriend's credit, I didn't use this strategy on her (I don't think so anyway, it was ages ago), but certainly, over my more recent single time, my musical recommendations worked like fucking charms.

And making people compilation CDs? PRICELESS.



I love Blaster, he's a legend. He has nothing to do with anything, but I just had those pictures and thought they were cool. Incidently, unless used in exactly the right manner, Transformers will not score you girls. They can but I don't think most of you are ready for that.

By the way, I used to think that musical taste had to be weilded with a certain amount of control. NOT TRUE. While I was single a while back, I was trying to chat up this girl who was SERIOUSLY into like The Deftones and Linkin Park and shit like that. STILL WORKED.

Considering we spoke a lot on MSN, I now have to presume she reads this. Oh well.

So anyway, if you're a girl, go out and buy these albums, I promise you they're worth your money. If you're a guy, do the same, but also, get ready to score some hot girls. Unless you are ridiculously ugly, in which case I cannot help you.



#10 - RED HOUSE PAINTERS - SONGS FOR A BLUE GUITAR

I feel like I'm totally going to cheapen the song, but if "Have You Forgotten?" by the Red House Painters doesn't get a girl's heart to skip a beat, then she is either made entirely of stone, or you my friend are an awful, awful date.

While there are very few people I know who own this album, those that do tend to bash it. Don't listen to them, it's a fantastic album. It's mostyl all that kinda sad bastard stuff that a lot of people hate, but who cares, they're idiots and you now own a totally fucking amazing piece of music. It'll be a nice juxtaposation to all that 'WE BE BURNING' Sean Paul type bullshit that you've got that is an album of about twenty songs except they all sound exactly the same.

#9 - ALANIS MORISSETTE - UNDER RUG SWEPT

I feel like a fucking girl, that album cover is so gay.

I suppose that Jagged Little Pill is probably the better album. But I cannot deny how much the song "Hands Clean" affected me the first time I read the lyrics. As soon as I read it, it was instantly one of my favourite ever songs, the lyrics are just that fucking good. And it's not like the melody's shit either.

She also has a cool boyfriend. I say cool but I deserve to be lynched if you take it on his showing in Blade Trinity, fortunately I've seen Two Guys and a Girl and can be forgiven. What cannot be forgiven however, is that she is Canadian.

#8 - SNOW PATROL - THE FINAL STRAW

So many great songs. Oh so many. But so many filler songs too. If they'd just put like 6 tracks on the CD it would have been much more creditable. Unfortunately there are a load of really, really shitty songs here.

On the plus side, "Chocolate" is fucking stupendous. Jesus Christ that song is good. And if "How To Be Dead" doesn't score you a chick, then I promise you, "Grazed Knees" will. Just say that the songs really remind you of her. You don't have to make any sense whatsofuckingever, just articulate it, make up some shit. It's all in interpretation anyway.

#7 - DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE - TRANSATLANTICISM

I bought this CD ages ago and it's constantly been in the CD rack. Also, CHICK LOVE THIS SHIT. Sure, anyone who doesn't like "Title and Registration" is fucking retarded, but whip out a little "Lack of Colour" and you've got love hearts like popping in the air between both your heads and shit.

It's Seth Cohentastic. Trust me.

Errm what else? Unfortunately the band's getting real fashionable now. I fucking hate that, people who download like one song and then act like they've loved Death Cab since they were All Time Quarterback. Grrr

#6 - THE POSTAL SERVICE - GIVE UP

This is probably the most played album that I own, other than #1. You should go out and buy this album right now it's fucking spectacular. It ranks slightly low however, because for you fuckers that are just gonna take all my music and fob it off to girls, I need to warn you. I don't know a girl that likes this stuff.

This is strictly for home listening. I like to listen to it when I'm brushing my teeth and shit, it gets me pumped for the day. The album starts off on a fucking high with "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight". Ridiculously good lyric in that song ("I am finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving") and then never stops.

#5 - NEUTRAL HOTEL MILK - IN THE AEROPLANE OVER THE SEA

This CD is the most weird piece of fucking music I have ever heard. But it just works. By the time you hit track four or five the music has already gone completely fucking nuts, the lyrics have decended into pure chaos and the voice.... Oh the voice..

All that said though, it is still one of my absolute favourites. I've said this to people on a number of occasions, if I ever make a movie about love, "Aeroplane Over The Sea" will play over the end credits. If anyone steals that I'll fucking kill you. I'm not even exaggerating.

#4 - COUNTING CROWS - SONGS ABOUT GHOSTS

Saying that Adam Duritz is a legend is like saying Matthew Perry is a one-trick pony. It goes without saying. "Mr. Jones" is still one of the greatest songs ever written, and 9 out of 10 of the rest of the songs on this album are pretty fucking spectacular too.

By the way, lead singer, Adam Duritz boned Jennifer Aniston, then boned Courtney Cox. How bad-ass is that.

He might not be able to sing sometimes, but he can write some genius lyrics. "A Long December" will always be one of my favourtite songs ever.

#3 - MATT POND PA - EMBLEMS

Oh how I love Matt Pond, let me count the ways. I've gotta say, I haven't been into them that long, but ever since The O.C. gloriously pulled off the most cheesiest fucking thing I have ever seen by having Seth Cohen kiss ugly Rich Girl upside down with a Spiderman mask on, to the sound of "Champagne Supernova" I was hooked.

I have the older album, but this one is just better. "New Hampshire" is a fucking killer. ALL girls love that song, it's like female tightness kryptonite. They hear that song and you could look like Loy from The Goonies and still kop a breast touch.

#2 - SIGUR ROS - ( )

This album is something everyone should own. It's just magical. Track 4 ("Njosnavelin") has the power to make me cry almost every time.

I don't know whether or not you'll like this stuff, it really isn't for everyone. Seriously. I read somewhere sometime that they were Brad Pitt's favourite band or something, but I doubt very much he busts his Sigur Ros album out at every house party he has.

I don't really know how to explain the greatness. It's not English, they speak a language that they fucking made up. How stupid is that? But I still fucking love this band. And this album will not get you laid. There's more chance of getting the girl to fucking slit her wrist or something. Or maybe just fall asleep if you're lucky.

#1 - THIRD EYE BLIND - SELF TITLED

Most people say that 3EB are shitty neo-pop. Most people are fucking wrong.

Stop saying DUH DUH DUH DUDH UHDUHDU DHUD HUDH UDHU whenever someone says that band that made "Semi Charmed Life" AND LISTEN. 3EB are so much fucking more than that. If Third Eye Blind was a man, his dick would be huge. And it would just flap out of his trouser zip and smack you on the head. And when he slept, planes would crash in the skies. I don't know what I'm getting at. "Motorcycle Drive-by" is the work of genius.

"I Want You" will forever be my all time favourite song.



That's my legendary list. You too can almost be as cool as me now.