28th April 2004 - Louis; Why my mum is the coolest mum in the world

This conversation happened some 3 years ago with James, my mum and I. James and I were doing our usual stuff at my place, playing video games for endless hours...endlessly...endlessly...endlessly.

Mum : So James, how old are you now?
James : I just turned 16 recently
Louis : About six months younger than me
Mum : Hiah Louis, why can't you be handsome like James? Big big eyes, fair skin..
James : It's just not possible. Perfection comes very rarely.
Mum : Hahaha, James you're such an asshole.
James : But i'm handsome.
Mum : But you have no backside
James : ....
Louis : AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
Mum : So James, are you still a virgin?
Louis thinks: oh god, please tell me I didn't just hear that.
James : uhm...yes?
Mum : *LAUGHS PROFUSELY* James! You're 16 years old and you haven't had sex yet? AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH HOHOHOOOOHOOHHOH HAAHAHAHA HOHOOHOHHA HAHAHAHAAH HOOHOHH AHHAHA  *exits the room*
James : *silence*
Louis : *silence*
James : *silence...ears turns beet red*
Louis : I have the coolest mum in the worl....
James : Yeah shut up

Ahhhh...Good times..good times...
28th April - 2004 - James: Not Much

New article on American Idol, rating the chances of the final eight.

Man, I watch way too much of that show.

Not much to say except that I'm currently in a real state of pain. We had a league game (when I say we I mean my football team) on Sunday, and by half time we were winning one nil and just as the whistle went I got absolutely hammered by this tall centre half. I got up and said "You better not do that again", and he was gonna say something back, probably clober me too, but the referee blew for half-time and brought us aside.

Anyway our coach's half time team talk went: Good play, keep it tight, James I want that guy sent off. Oh, and don't be scared.

So we went in for the second half, and about ten minutes in, they had a corner, our goal-keeper punched it out and it came flying towards me, I did some breath-taking control, looked up and saw that there was only one defender in front of me. Then I looked back to see how much time I had and saw that big galoot of a defender hurtling at me. I had one of those time-out moments you see in the movies and though:

I have two options - a) Run with the ball, score, and bask in the adulation. b) Get this big fucker sent off.

So I took one step forward, looked like I was about to sprint off, but instead, stopped and stood there. Right on cue, the big fucker lunged with his tree-trunk of a right leg and absolutely fucking butchered me with a stevie-G two footed scythe of a tackle. As I fell to the floor, I saw the referee take out the red card, him curse and then walk off. I felt so good it was un-real, I was about to laugh, when I realised that he had hit me...real, real hard.

So now I'm paying the price with a massive bitch of a bruise. Oh, and we ended up drawing 1 - 1, lol.

It reminded me of another time when I was playing football, about a month ago, it was probably one of the funniest moments of my life:

This real big, fat beach-ball of a defender went up for a header and came down on top of me, almost crushing me, as I got up, our conversation went like this:

Me: My god man, you belong in a fuckin cage.

Him: Hey fuck you man...You're like a...a...like a little...one of those seven dwarves.

Me: Man, you look like you ate the seven dwarves.

He was about to smack me when the referee pulled us apart. Way too funny.
26th April 2004 - Louis; Whats this? An update?

Guess I haven't had much to say for the past few days. A thousand apologies (MIND YOUR LANGUAGE! BUY FOR ME PLEASE!) for the lack of shit journals lately, everytime I suddenly feel the urge to take a shit, my laptop wasn't anywhere to be found.
No laptop = No shit journal.
However, here a new shit journals for you'll to read (You sick sick people.)

Toilets have gods, too.

::Entertainment::

Here's a couple of links that should keep you occupied for several hours, possibly even days.
Suckball approved

1. Suckball
2. Homestarrunner.com (Visit the strong bad e-mail section)
3. Hentai Simgirl (Dating sim-game. Hours of endless fun I tell you. HOURS!)*
4. Something awful (Suggest the Hentai Reviews and Horrors of Porn)
5. TUCKER MAX!!! (Narcissism at it's best)
6. Dtailed.com (Designer of this website)
7. William Hung (.....)

Have YOU watched the movie SIGNS? Did you enjoy it? If you did, you're stupid.
This article (Maddox) basically sums up every single issue I had with that pathetic excuse for a movie. SHITTY SHITTY SHITTY. Just a friendly random note.

::Snoring orchestra::

I'm awake at 3am, and there're currently 3 people passed out in my room (I really mean asleep). And i've come to the conclusion that snoring is contagious. Because shortly after one of 'em started snoring, another started snoring, followed by the third.

SNORE RANKING
1. --- (m) : Concorde engine...after it breaks the sound barrier.
2. --- (f) : Dying ox...with it's testicles getting repeatedly slammed by a baseball bat.
3. Tudor (m) :  Drilling...really far down the road, quietly drilling on...and on...and on...and on...

This is the third day in a row i've had to live with the snoring. I'm SO close to insanity, I don't deal with sleep deprivation as well as I did back in highschool. I'll let them get away with today, but if this happens tomorrow

I'll smother them in their sleep.
24rd April 2004 - James: Taking Lives

So I just watched Taking Lives. I'm not going to comment on it, just let you read my open letter to DJ Caruso, director of the movie. Don't read it unless you've seen the movie, otherwise it won't make any sense.

I'm in the process of compiling pictures for a monster tribute to Angelina Jolie, Goddess amongst Women

22nd April 2004 - James: Quickie

Ok, so as per usual, I was fuckin around at work, when I came across this comic book graphic novel, called "Sin City", by Frank Castle. It was pretty good, especially "The Yellow Bastard" I'd recommend it by the way.

Anyway, I was online later, doing my usual download trailers + idle on the internet thing, when I came across Robert Rodriguez' latest announced project, an adaptation of the very comic, entitled Sin City.


As comic book adaptations go, I've not been impressed by anything other than Spiderman, so I wasn't expecting much. HOWEVER, when I saw the announced cast...well...just look at it:


Mickey Rourke, Jaime King, Kate Bosworth, Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, Josh Hartnet, Maria Bello, Steve Buscemi, Benicio Del Toro, Michael Douglas, Brittany Murphy, Christopher Walken, Bruce Willis and Elijah Wood.


And that's not even complete! What the hell?!

 

April 20th