17th August 2004 - Louis; The most violent sport

Not football, not american football not even bloody rugby. The only way a sport would win first place is if they invent a sport where you score points for shooting people in the leg with a rifle.

It's waterpolo. I'm not kidding. I've never actually properly watched the sport until today and it's possibly the scariest thing alive. There's a face smack/strangle/choke like every 2 seconds...and that's what you see ABOVE the water.

How about this quote.

Water polo players practice eight hours a day, six and a half of which are spent in a pool. They endure nasty injuries such as eye gouges, punched-out teeth, torn noses and broken eye sockets.

"I've been lucky," Azevedo said. "The worst thing that has happened to me is having my ear drum broken - three times."

Ok, so I've watched a couple of movies over the last few days, and I thought I'd have a couple of words, not really a review, just a bunch of thoughts.

THE VILLAGE (dir. M. Night Shyamalan; Joaquin Pheonix, William Hurt, Bryce Dallas Howard)

A lot of people are very quick to bad mouth The Village, famed movie critics like Roger Ebert included, I've read his review, and I've got to say, it's fucking bullshit.

Let's start with what's really important. Village has probably the best performances of any movie this year, if not ever. Bryce Dallas Howard, who is in her first major film part, is for lack of a better word, perfect. I'm so fucking serious, her performance is stellar, outstanding, I don't know what word to use but whatever, it's just too good. I think I'm infatuated with her.

Anyway, moving on, Hurt, Pheonix and Sigourney Weaver were great too, and even though pretty much all he had to do was snigger, Adrian Brody was outstanding too.

The thing that a lot of people don't like about the movie is that "the twist sucks". First of all, it doesn't suck, it's fairly obvious yeah, I got it about fifteen minutes in, and it's nothing compared to Sense or Unbreakable, but certainly does not suck. Have you ever thought that maybe it wasn't supposed to be a ohmyfuckinggodthatsoutrageous kind of twist, more like a story progression turn of events. And second of all, ok there's no second, but I thought it would make a better point to say first of all.

Magician cinematographer Roger Deakins, as well as Shyamalan himself, work serious fucking wonders in making the film look gorgeous. Aesthetics in the village clearly show where all that money went, and the way they create the suggestive menace lurking out in the woods is outstanding.

One thing I stake a great deal of blame to, is the way Malaysia advertised this film. I don't know what it was like in other countries, but here the poster was a creepy kind of orange with a creepy little girl's face on the side. This way hordes of morons and soccer moms go into the movie thinking they're in for a horror movie. In actual fact Village is the poignant love story, between Pheonix' and Howard's characters, supported by the monsters-in-the-wood under-story.

Oh yeah and the score was awesome.

And before I forget, if you were one of the absolute fucking morons who laughed out loud at the sad part towards the end, when it was a really sad moment, (if you saw it, then you know what I'm talking about), get a fucking brain. There's nothing I hat more than when people laugh at stupid moments, and it always happens, this time I was so pissed off that I actually turned around in my seat and shouted to the people behind me "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGHING?"

Bottom line? Better than Signs, not as good as Sense or Unbreakable.

My rating: 7 out of 10

COLLATERAL (dir. Michael Mann; Tom Cruise, Jamie Foxx)

I knew months back, when I first saw the trailer, when everyone was saying that it was going to be shit, that it was gonna be something special. I'm a big fan of Mann's films, Ali was outstanding, and Heat remains one of the best films I've ever seen in my life.

So I had high expectations going into the cinema. From the moment we open with Cruise and Jason Statham, who's here for no apparent reason, the movie's great. Despite being shot (clearly) in digital video, it looks gorgeous, not Village gorgeous, but nice nonetheless.

While critics herald Foxx's undoubtedly awesome performance as the second coming, for me, Tom Cruise, who's one of my favourite actors of all time, owns the film, as per usual. It's cool to see him as a villain for once, and I swear to god if someone remarks that Tom Cruise "plays Tom Cruise" I'll go fucking postal.

The music is shit, and there are one too many neon lights, but it's nowhere near enough to take the edge of a magnificent film. As per all of Mann's films, thieves, killers and cops are professional and efficient, and although Mark Ruffalo was good and he's one of my favourite actors right now, I just can't help but wonder what the movie would have been had Mann got Val Kilmer, for whom the role was intended, instead.

A lot of people hate the ending, because they don't understand it. It's an excellent way to end an excellent film, don't bitch because you don't get it.

My rating: 9 out of 10

It's not pretty. This movie is not pretty. In fact, it fucking sucks. Don't watch it even if your life depended on it.
Read the review of : The twin effects II