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23rd December 2004 - Louis; Review Ocean's Twelve review out. (Spoilers) 22nd December 2004 - James: QUICK! Oh my fucking god I'm so excited right now. I saw the Constantine trailer and was like oh fucking hell that's awesome, then I watched the trailer for Hitch and thought shit yeah, then I saw the trailer for Mr and Mrs Smith and almost orgasmed but then..... Oh, then I saw a headline I'd been waiting for for like a year now... Finally... CLICK HERE YOU NEED TO SEE THAT TRAILER. 21st December 2004 - James: Update Okay, I've added a couple of quick articles on the left, but more importantly I had the greatest of epiphanys yesterday, I was watching the trailer to Batman Begins, which by the way looks like they might be getting it right, although what the fuck is with him finding the helmet, I hope I saw the wrongly. Anyway, I was thinking, I could make such a better Batman movie, seriously, they get nearly everything wrong. Batman - Clive Owen Two biggest features of Bruce Wayne that always get fucked up: He's physically huge and he's seriously fucked up in the head. He is such damaged goods it's unreal and he obsesses over his parents' death, pacifying that feeling by dressing up in tights? Come on, he's dark, brooding and fucked up. Not slap happy like Michael Keaton or a smooth fucking operator like George Clooney. If he could do an American accent Clive Owen would be awesome. The Joker - Jim Carrey The fim's gotta have a villain, and it has to be the Joker. Jack Nicholson's a legend but Jim Carrey would be the perfect Joker. He's got the perfect build, Nicholson is too wide. He's not fat, but he's broad and the Joker was stick thin. I don't even know why I'm typing this, Carrey would be spot on. Catwoman - Doesn't Matter I don't know any number of actresses could do this SO LONG AS IT'S NOT HALLE BERRY. NO, THAT DIDN'T WORK. Catwoman would only be here for the romantic angle of the film anyway. We've had Uma Thurman and Nicole Kidman, but any Batman fan really knows that all we want to see is Bats get it on with Catwoman. Director - David Fincher, Writer - Frank Miller Batman's world is a dark one, Fincher is the god of that. Burton's vision was... interesting, by far the best we've had so far, but still not right. And as for a writer? Why not an actual comic book writer instead of a film writer? Costume Designer - Me I'm serious, this shit REALLY pisses me off. I'm gonna say two things right now that are so true you're gonna just sit there and think what the fuck I can't believe how true that is. I am gonna tell you why Batman always looks so fucking gay, and how to make that shit cool: 1. Why do Spiderman and Blade looks so fucking cool, when Wolverine looks shit? The answer is the eyes. When you can't see the eyes it makes you look bad as a mother fucker. It's why Batman looks so cool in the animated episodes. Put in some white shit like Spiderman has instead of holes for his eyes and you're halfway there, I shit you not. 2. The cape. You've seen Spawn right? That movie was a shit heap covered in shit, sitting on a big paddock of grass where all the animals in the world shit. But they got one thing right. When Spawn sits on a rooftop (as Batman frequently does) or when he enters a room, that fucking cape is what it's all about. And I'm gonna reveal how Batman's cape should be. The truth is it needs to come all the way around his body and part right between his rippling man breasts. That's how it is in the animations and in the comic! So that when he stands, the cape covers all of him except the mask and the little bit between his head and his nipples. That my friends is bad ass, and that is how it should be. Fuck I can't believe how true that shit is. Someone give me 200 million dollars and I would make the best fucking Batman film ever. 21st December 2004 - Louis; GOING TO WATCH OCEAN'S TWELVE NOW, expect review later. Sorry I took so long, but i had to wait for my girlfriend to get back before watching the movie. I expect it to be fucking excellent with it's All-star-crew and a storyline based on a great heist....what could go wrong? Oh yeah, and they have Brad fucking Pitt. Oceans Eleven rocked my socks off, find out how Twelve does later. 16th December 2004 - Louis; To the people I hate. *You might notice a popup when entering the page, don't be alarmed. I put it there so I can get some money to pay for the bandwidth you people take up. So uhm, help me out by clicking away :) I've realised never to bother with you ever again, this includes both young and old bitter people. I take pleasure in myself knowing that you're going to end up in a shitty marriage, have a shitty job, disrespectful kids, arthritis and hopefully some form of cancer/tumor....that's before you find out your 13 year old daughter is pregnant. I used to tell myself "nah, i don't hate anyone really.....maybe except for..." but my hate-list just kept growing longer and longer....and longer. And me? I'm going to have an excellent marriage, get paid by the second, have absolutely adorable and loving......dogs (kids? me?), perfect health and hopefully someone I hate as my butler....that's before I get my lamborghini, of course. 15th December 2004 - James: Update Okay, so I've finally updated with an article of sorts. it's not really what I wanted to be the first thing I wrote in ages, but I'm on a tight, tight schedule. Mmmm Louis, you need to sort that shit out on my links to articles, cos like half of my newer shit isn't even there anymore. The latest article should be something about Ryan from the OC. Other than that, enjoy, and hopefully there'll be more where this came from, but not just now as I'm enjoying the advent of broadband, watching the new episode of the OC (SEASON TWO BABY) and downloading blade trinity. Woop! 2004 in review: MOVIES Peace. 14th December 2004 - Louis; Happy The simplest things in life always make me happier than anything else in the world. A rainbow, an apology, a token of appreciation, a nice thought, good weather, fresh air, sun through your window, turning your pillow over to get the cold side, snuggling up all day in bed, singing, a hug...a fuck... You know, the simple things. My happy fix for the day was food. I honestly can't find myself any happier than this moment, when I have my nasi lemak (rice), char siew pau (ground up pork in sweet sauce deliciously trapped in a bun), talking to my wonderfully wonderful girlfriend (she's far from simple though) while I sip on my half glass of cold milk. Possibly the only thing I would change in the world right now would be making my half-glass-of-cold-milk into a full-glass-of-cold-milk but alas, i'm out of milk. |