2nd February 2004 - James; Random Stuff
I don't want the site to turn into a The Last Samurai argument, but I have to defend myself after what Louis said, since I generally have to admit that I have the best taste in movies ever. Click here.
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So I watched another movie last night. People who are regulars are the site will see a distinct pattern here, and think that pretty much all I do is watch movies. And you would be right to think that.
Intolerable Cruelty was the first thing I watched, with George Clooney and Catherine "Look at the Oscar my husband got for me!" Zeta Jones in the leads, Cedric the Entertainer and Billy Bob Thornton in supporting roles.
The vibe on this movie was shit. That no-one I knew liked the movie, that I hate Catherine Zeta Jones, and that I pretty much am the only male person on the world (that I know of) who doesn't worship the Coens Brothers as the second coming, meant that I wasn't going in to the movie with the highest of hopes.
I'd give this movie four out of ten. Thousand that is, because the simple fact was this it sucked like a whorehouse at happy-hour. It only gets a four because I only felt like sawing my face off twice, which is less than a couple of other movies that I've seen.
Message to the Coen Brothers: that thing with the tearing up of the pre-nup was really cool. The first time. The second time I wanted to take all of the pieces of paper, force-feed them to Jones and shout WHERE'S ZORRO NOW BITCH?!!11 and the third time, I just wanted to saw my face off, because it held the possibility I wouldn't have to see another torn up pre-nup on film ever again.
All in all, Catherine Zeta Jones, a bullshit Cedric the Entertainer, who 93% of his lines where "Nail his ass" and outrageous repetition made for a really shitty movie. Add to this the fact that Scarlett Johansson was at no point present, compounded Intolerable Cruelty to a four out of ten. This is somewhere between naval lint and two day old spit on a side-walk.
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The other day I was at work and was pricing a bunch of Power Rangers toys, and I realised something.
If the Power Rangers wanted to hide their identities, why did they teleport out of the high-school corridor? And why did they only dress in the corresponding colours of their ranger uniform? This wouldn't help them hide their identities, and it would make their lives really difficult come the end of the year, when only the black ranger could go to the prom.
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Over the last few weeks, I've been finding that I don't really keep up to track with what day it is, like I didn't realise it was Chinese New Year the other week, until I woke up to that dum dum dum dum of the drum for a dragon dance. Other days, I basically rely on shopping centres to help me out, with what I see:
Christmas Tree and Reindeer: Must be Christmas
Big Eggs and a bunny: Easter is coming
Roses and Hearts: I guess it's Valentines Day
Newspaper headline "Arnold Schwarzenegger elected Governor": Oh, it's April Fools Day
2nd February 2004 - Louis; The Last Samurai sucked
Well, not really. I really enjoyed the movie.
Samurais are cool, there is no doubt about it. In fact, the 2nd lead actor (Ken Watanabe) played such an excellent role that he got nominated instead of Tom Cruise*.
As I do not ever get bored of dissing James. I wrote a review for the crappy movie. So read it here
Sorry for the lack of updates, I left my laptop charger back in Malaysia and it's being shipped over. I almost got killed again on Saturday, read it here
*My friend told me this. I'm not sure whether it's entirely true, but it probably is.
**Fight3 part 2 will be done soon! I
promise!
31st January 2004 - James; The Last Samurai
I watched The Last Samurai last night. It was pretty good I thought, and being one of the only people in the universe that I know of who likes Tom Cruise, I was looking forward to it being good.
Why don't people like Tom Cruise? I was reading this article yesterday called 'Suzie Says', which is just such an utter turd of a title but whatever. It said about how Tom Cruise plays 'Tom Cruise' in every movie, which is such a load of trollop I can't even believe it.
First of all, he has played a bitch load of different types of roles in his career, his roles in Mission Impossible II and Jerry Maguire couldn't have been any more different, and I think probably the only way that he could further himself as an actor would be to play a middle-aged black tribeswoman from Zimbabwe who speaks Swahili.
And second of all, what the hell does "playing Tom Cruise" mean? Tom Cruise is a partially dislexic, subscriber to the religion of 'scientology' who has been called gay more times than the entire cast of Queer Eye and is a divorced father of two. WHEN DID HE PLAY THIS ROLE?
Anyway back to the movie, I was quite impressed, actually that's not true, I was so impressed by it, which makes a welcome change to "Oh my god that was shit". Tom Cruise was good as Algren or "Alugren-san", Ken Watatatatatatatame was kinda strange as "Katsomoto" (WHO IS MATSUMOTO? I HAVE THAT NAME STUCK IN MY HEAD!!), but for me the guy who stole the show was Hiroyuki Sanada aka. BADASS. You probably don't know who I'm talking about, but just think back over the movie, who was the most bad-ass character there, Katsumoto's right hand man, with the bad-ass helmet, bad-ass sword and all around bad-ass attitude.
Good movie, you should definitely go watch it, unless your name is Suzie, or Clive, just because that's such a stupid name. Actually I think I'm going to write a letter to her magazine, maybe they'll hire me and I can change the column to 'James Jives' or something equally un-original.
Oh, and "You a ladies man, Bob?" = FUNNIEST LIVE EVER OMG LOLOL
And in case you were wondering, despite having no role in the movie, Scarlett Johansson is still hot
30th January 2004 - Louis; Pacha
So I guess my wonderful plan on getting drunk cheaply didn't work out. I went to tesco to get 2 bottles of red wine for about 4 pounds each, later to find out I have to fork out MORE money for the bottle opener. Fucking GENIUS.
Damage - 10 pounds.
The wine fucking sucked, so I gave one bottle away, finished 9/10 of the other bottle and threw the rest away. Excellent.
I got to the club, realising that i'm not drunk enough, buy myself a couple of drinks.
Total Damage last night - 10+10+20+5. 55 Pounds for a night I was completely sober in.
I spent almost the entire night on the podium, dancing myself to music they kept repeating (wtf?). Problem: women kept trying to dance with me (well, a fat woman trying to booty dance with me almost pushed me off the damn podium)
I wish I were lying, but i'm not. In a night where I made no attempt to dance with anyone else apart from my friends, last night was a record breaking advances-a-night.
Since I was sober throughout the whole night, I decided to try an experiment. I wanted discover the secret to getting women.
So I did.
Discover the secret to getting women!