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The Life of Freddie Prinze,
Jr.
By James
I think
that in my entire life-time, I've seen one Freddie Prinze Junior movie,
and this has proved to be more than enough to write a review of him,
because you see, he pretty much makes the same movie every time, just with
a different (young) leading lady every time. The I Know What You Did
Last Summer movies do not count as Freddie Prinze movies, because
every male knows that they starred Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts, and
Scooby Doo starred a CGI dog. Other than that though, his remaining
movie credits are a bunch of romantic comedies which suffer from what I
like to call 'The Cookie Cutter Effect'.
Anyway,
let's get onto it, Freddie Prinze Jr. this is your life.
Note: I
got some of my information from The Internet Movie Database (IMDB.com),
which I used to have respect for until, under 'Trivia' they listed the
following point:
I no
longer have respect for this website.
Freddie
Prinze Jr. was born on March 8th 1976, with the purpose of making girls
want to go to the movies, and simultaneously shattering the hopes of any
guys who wanted to see a touch of action, or even a swear word in a movie
which they would be forced to watch with their girl-friends.
IMDB.com
says;
After graduating in 1994, Freddie moved to L.A. to focus on an acting
career and immediately garnered featured roles on several episodic series.
One of these was
"Family Matters" (1989)
in which Freddie had a four-line part in the episode "The Gun". He played
a punk kid who brought a gun to school. "That was my big break, and I
thought it was huge," says Freddie
Talk
about setting your targets low, Freddie perceived a four-line role as a
gun-toting punk a "big break". I'm glad he was proud.
Moving on
from that boring Freddie Prinze Jr. history wastage, let's take a look at
some of his movies/accomplishments.
NOTE: I
have not seen any of the following movies, except for Head Over Heels,
but as I've said, I'm more than confident that I can predict what will
happen regardless.
ONLY
NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT
Every now
and then, there crops up a mind-blowing scenario that reminds the whole of
humanity that life is not fair. Puff Daddy and Jennifer Lopez, the random
background dancer and Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez
are all examples of this (not because Jennifer Lopez is hot, but because
she has been with so many people), and in Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah
Michelle Geller, we are given another.
Unbelievable.
SHE'S
ALL THAT (1999)
Freddie
Prinze Jr.'s first major movie.
IMDB
Plot Summary:
Freddie Prinze Jr. stars as a high school hottie who makes a bet with a
fellow classmate that he can turn geeky Rachel Leigh Cook into a Prom
Queen...
My
Prediction: The movie must include either a jock evil best friend or
some random bitch (flanked on either side by 2 sycophantic uber-bitches,
one white and one black, who say "MM-Hmmmm") who is Prinze's ex-girlfriend
who make him take the bet.
The girl
in question will grow to like him (after some initial adversary), but
problems will arise when she finds out about the bet, most likely through
whoever set the bet becoming a sore-loser and letting the secret out.
In the
end, they'll overcome the problems via a Freddie Prinze Jr. speech, get
together and make-out.
Outcome? Wrong about the bitches - they're both white, as the
only afro-american role with any substance is the token black guy who says
stuff like 'Oh Shit' and 'Dayum!'.
Right
about everything else though.
BOYS
AND GIRLS (2000)
Synopsis:
Jennifer (Clare Forlani) and Ryan (Prinze) are students at UC Berkeley,
acquaintances off and on since early adolescence. She's quick, witty,
ironic, literary, and independent; he's deliberate, literal, serious,
studying structural engineering, always working on a plan. Then something
un-expected happens. Can it all get sorted out before she leaves town?
My
Prediction: Ok so somehow they end up at the same university and get a
bit closer than they used to be. Through a random series of cute and 'awww'
moments, they grow even closer until one night Prinze can no longer keep
it in his pants and they screw.
She wants
to stay friends, but since the only role Prinze knows how to play is the
good guy who girls pity, he therefore has to be all upset, probably lying
at home all sad, neglecting to go out with his best friend (the random guy
on the left of the poster who probably is all about sex) and sitting atop
mountains looking out into the distance with sad music and cut scenes of
Clare Forlani.
Forlani
will be either about to leave and Prinze will catch up with her at the
airport, or she will leave and he will go to her and with another
trade-mark speech, get her back. Cue long kiss, happy music and ending
credits.
Outcome? Pretty much everything is correct, I'm not sure if he does
the three mooching things which I said he would and I couldn't find out
about the ending - there's no way I'm watching it to find out.
HEAD
OVER HEELS (2000)
Synopsis: A young
woman is attracted to a man despite her thinking she's seen him kill
someone
Storyline: Amanda is a fairly down on her luck girl who has a tendency
to get involved in doomed relationships. After she walks in on her
boyfriend in bed with another woman, she moves out, and into an enormous
flat with four supermodels (she gets a closet for a bedroom).
From her
new lounge room windows, she can see across into the apartment of Jim
Winston (Prinze), he does a couple of chin-ups and she's immediately head
over heels for him (GET IT? The title is Head over Heels and she's head
over heels!! ROFLMAO!!11). One night, she thinks she sees Jim killing a
girl, and she is set to go out on a date with him in four days. Thus
begins the apparent hilarity with Amanda launching a private investigation
into him, aided by her roommates.
We are
finally given an altogether senseless ending which I can only describe as
absolutely f*cking stupid - Prinze is actually an under-cover FBI Agent.
Enough said.
SUMMER
CATCH (2001)
Synopsis: A rich
girl whose family summers on Cape Cod has a romance with a local poor boy
who hopes to become a major league baseball player
My
Prediction: Prinze will obviously be the 'poor boy', with Jessica Biel
starring alongside him as the rich girl. He will probably be employed be
her/her family/rich friends to do menial job and while he's doing it he
and Biel will meet and fall in love.
You might
expect some sort of twist, but considering how all of Prinze's other
movies have gone I doubt it. Biel's parents will find out about how poor
he is, try and get her to go out with some smarmy rich guy from their club
who also probably happens to be her ex. Prinze will get asked to never see
Biel again by the parents (if he really loves her) and then he will come
by once more only to see her with the ex, although she wasn't doing
anything honest!
At this
time, his baseball career is on the slide.
Final
game of the year. Last chance to become a pro, Biel will turn up right
before he pitches the ball, which will fly in super slow-motion, stump the
batsman and Prinze's team will win. His team-mates will shout his name,
but he'll only be interested in Biel, they'll kiss.
Outcome? Sorry, couldn't find out anything about this movie either,
I'm not going to watch it, and of all the comments/reviews I could find,
nobody actually revealed the plot. I did like this comment though;
"There are a bunch of subplots relating to the rest of the cast being
wacky baseballers, including Marc Blucas falling for a fat girl, Fez
from that 70's show having a The Graduate experience, and Matthew
Lillard doing whatever it is that Matthew Lillard does in movies. I
liked Scream, but the boy needs to stop. There's also a little girl who
does something. You'll notice that I'm calling the people by the actors'
names, and not by their characters' names. That is because there is not
a single memorable character."
Is it me or is Matthew Lillard in every single one of these movies?
Anyway,
there you have it. If anything, this will help all guys, when their
girlfriends make you watch his movies, in the following ways:
-
Lie to
your girlfriend and tell her you've seen the movie already
-
Sleep/read during the movie and if she tests you, you'll know!
Well
there you go, hope you enjoyed it. I'm just happy it's over. Thank you and
good night.
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