Manufactured Music| By James

In the world of uncreative lyrics and insanely under-weight singers perpetuated by the likes of MTV and Channel V, manufactured performers fall from the sky like fly bitches at a P.Diddy concert. Its appearing more and more likely that someone can become successful, not because of their singing talent, but because of the wonders of cosmetic surgery and the money in the pockets of teenage girls.

It sends a shudder through my body to think that Britney Spears can be called a pioneer, but the truth is that she definately can - she paved the way for a hundreds of clones to ride that Carson Daily up and into teen pop fame. Christina Aguilera soon followed, singing about a genie being in a bottle and Mandy Moore came soon after, with the absolutely nonsensical lyrics about missing a guy like candy.

But this formula didn't only work for girls. N'Sync proved that even ugly or overweight guys can be dressed up in the l33test clothes, given the hottest lyrics and be promoted as hot. And so the boy band train to suckage and media pimping kept on rolling with Westlife and absolute sewer scum like A1 following their idols Boyzone and Take That into the Billboard Top 20. Is it me or will there always be one nut case who likes somebody as long as they are famous, just because they aren't hot? Let me give you an example, there are a million different people who love Pheobe from Friends, yet in a cast including Jennifer Aniston and a pretty regularly near nude Courteney Cox, how is this even possible?

If S Club 7 has taught us one thing, its that the aforementioned formula shouldn't be tampered with. History has already shown us how girls can be made hot even with lyrics about missing a guy like Candy (COME ON), and boy bands can be manufactured into being attractive, and even then, S Club 7 tried to (I suppose) get the best of both worlds with a mixture of members which range from pretty (Rachel) to down right ugly, from male to female, and with the slogan "Send us $5 bucks and you can join our band".

Please tell me that that is not the most motley assortment of non attractive males in the world. I don't know what their names are so I decided to hazard a guess at who they are. The members of N'Sync are (from top to bottom, left to right) Snoop Doggy Dogg, a random Church Choir boy, an ape who wandered onto the photo set, the guy from My Big Fat Greek Wedding and Guy whose eyebrow appears to have been poked by a javelin.

Nowadays its near impossible to watch MTV for a solid ten minutes without seeing these turd burglers dancing on it and trying to get some teenage booty. It also pisses me off that these guys have the balls to do shit like tributes to the Bee Gees. I mean don't get me wrong, I think the Bee Gees are great, and that they definately deserve all the praise that they get, but its not like N'Sync were even alive in the freaking 70s.

And to say that they were inspired by them is damn near an insult.

Nelly Furtardo is another entertainer who really got on my bad side mid-way through last year when the only song on either music channel was her bullshit song "On the Radio" where she wore flourescent clothes and did the common West Coast gang$ta thang.

Lacking the average looks needed to be successful, she decided to go the route of captain redundancy and verbally pummel you with perpetually repeated lyrics that are sure to bag her the title of Album most easy to understand with the mental capacity of a 5 year old.