American Idol

All hail Simon Cowell!

I love late night TV, I pretty much an insomniac, so when I can't sleep I'm either writing or watching television, or more commonly: writing with the TV on in front of me. I watch them all; from the absolute sewer scum that is Monk, to the genius of Everybody Loves Raymond. Hell, I even got into For Love or Money, the blatant rip-off of Joe Millionaire (hey that Lauren girl is pretty hot, too bad she got the boot). However, at this particular moment in time, There is no show on TV that can beat American Idol.

If there's anything Survivor taught us, it's that Reality TV is the best thing since sliced-bread (what was the best thing before sliced bread?) - cheap to make, and pretty much guaranteed to score stellar ratings.

THIS GUY MAKES AMERICAN IDOL WHAT IT IS!!!

Simon Cowell is the best guy on TV right now. I hate the whole idea du jour that everybody should get something, just for participating, give everyone a chance and all that kind of shit, and Simon tells it how it is. If you suck the nut-sack of suck, he'll tell you. And why shouldn't he? You're going on that show which is looking for the best, and if you are shit, then you're just wasting everyone's time.

And enough with that "he's mean" shit, the show's been on for two seasons already, you know what he's going to be like, so if you're entering the show, you know what you're letting yourself in for. So if he tells you you're shit, then take it, get off the stage and accept it. Stop calling him mean, even if he is a little harsh, anyone on that show had to be prepared, otherwise they shouldn't even have shown up.

If Paula Abdul tells you that you're good, you smile and say the obligatory thanks, but in truth you care for her praise, as much as you would eating your own feces. What she says means nothing. The only person that you care about is Simon, because when he says you're good, it actually means something.

Paula Abdul is the one that always finds something good about you. If she has to, she'll go as far as saying that you have nice nails, and that's about it. She's the ying to Simon's yang.

Why Paula is like this is simple: She isn't stupid. Paula Abdul is probably the worst singer ever to make it big before Kelly Osbourne. Having Paula Abdul tell someone that they suck at singing, is like having Jennifer Lopez grade a 'best ass' contest. It would be compeltely redundant!

Randy is a fucking moose who just calls the contestants dawg and say man a lot. He sucks. Don't know his second name and could give a shit about it.

I think I want to start a running commentary of American Idol every week. I don't know, we'll see what happens.

From watching the show, I've noticed of all the things needed to succeed on this show, talent is actually not the highest on the list. It actually goes down a little like this:

1. Appearance

2. Charisma

3. Talent

It's true. Sucking up to Simon works too, or at least it would have for that Hawaiian girl Crystal if Paula and the moose hadn't have thrown a monkey wrench in her plan by voting against her out of spite. Come on, she only wore a t-shirt that said Hawaii loves Simon!

Honestly though, if you're not hot, then you ain't going through. Sad but true fact of life. And you can understand it, if you look like shit, then you can't be a big time pop star. God only knows how Stacie Orrico made it. I probably spelt that wrong, but don't give a shit. HOWEVER, appearance can easily be substituted with charisma, as long as you aren't TOO ugly, which is why the girl with the pink hair got in, the second week. She has pink high-lights, so she must be DOWNRIGHT CRAZY MAN!!11

Talent is last on the list, and it's proven time and time again. People who had spunk, and looked halfway decent got through on being able to hold a tune, rather than being scintillating. Take that plank who sang to Paula Abdul last week - he was nothing special at all, but because he didn't look like he'd been smacked in the face with a rake, and because he had the balls to sing to Paula who's probably old enough to be his mom, while his real mom watched on TV, he got through.

And let's not forget the guy who was on his way through but then got the boot because he told a gross lie about how if he'd win he'd plough money into charity, that was hillarious. I guess I should add brains up there as number four.

I don't know, anyway, I'm going to be eagerly anticipating next week's episode, so I can laugh at more people who try and sing SHE BANGS, because that was the funniest shit I have seen in a long time. WHY is it that Asians who can't speak Engrriss enter? What the fuck? Don't they get the concept? I don't know, but it's too fucking good.

One thing's for sure though, I don't want that girl with the scooter to win, and if I didn't see Ryan Seacrest another time for the rest of my life, I'd die happy.