Is Morpheus A Terrorist?
By James

The chubby face of terrorism

As you know I'm a fanatical Matrix fan. Read here if you don't believe me. But as I'm sure you also know, nothing escapes my wit when it comes to comedy, and especially as (with the exception of Link) Morpheus is the character in The Matrix which I dislike most, there's no way I was going to be put off this idea for an article by my respect for the movie.

Anyway, there are a number of properties that terrorists in general have, and I was thinking about it in relation to Morpheus, and it's rather clear that he possesses every single one of them. So without further ado, we'll inspect these 'qualities' of his, in comparison with some of the most worst people on the face of the world.

1. He is really devoted to his cause and is more than willing to use violence to achieve it.

This is like the first rule of terrorism and Morpheus definately has it and pretty much lives for it. You only have to look at the free-way battle scene in Reloaded to see how violent he gets with everyone who stands in his way

Cobra Commander kills everyone who stands in his way, that's a fact - he lives for death! It's hit life ambition to kill every single Gi Joe in existence and achieve world domination, so I think it's rather clear that CC shares this trait.

Osama; Do I even need to tell you of this guy's achievements? Everything that happened on September 11th should be enough to justify himself as a terrorist extraordinaire and prove to the world that he like to use violence.

2. He and his crew like blowing things up.

You only need to watch both of the movies to see how much stuff gets blown up in the wake of Morpheus and his aims. Neo and Trinity (his crew) blow up the building where he is being kept in the first Matrix and in Reloaded, at least 10 cars and a few trucks are exploded because of him and his twisted goals.

Cobra Commander; when it comes to other people's possessions, he just doesn't give a toss either way. Cobra's forces have destroyed entire city blocks and in one episode, they even A-10 attack aircrafts in his bid for domination.

Castor Troy; he is pretty much the definitive terrorist in movieland. He blows up hangers, houses and has the immortal line to Travolta - "Why don't you try terrorism for hire, we'll blow some shit up, it's more fun!"

3. He has a silly name.

You've got to have a weird name to be a terrorist, it's just a natural requirement. I mean, Morpheus sounds kind of cool, but when you take it to his extremes whereby he actually thinks that is his name ie. his mother told the midwife, when he was born "Hmmm shall we call him Joey, Steven or wait! How about Morpheus that sounds nice!".

Osama; with the exception of historian William A. Williams, this guy has the most stupid name in existence. Doesn't sound cool and it isn't cool in any way shape or form. Fortunately for him nobody cares and everyone hate him regardless.

Krang; ok so I lied, this guy has the most stupid name in the world, but at least his is made up by the guy who write the script for Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles. Anyway yeah, there you go, another stupid name for a terrorist.

4. He has a crowd of devoted followers.

Morpheus' faithful followers: Chilli from TLC and Chris Rock with dreadlocks

Morpheus has like an entire army of followers, as even though you can see hundreds in the above picture, people who've seen Reloaded know that it doesn't do justice to his ranks at all.

Osama; yeah he has very devoted followers, so devoted in fact that they'll hi-jack and crash a plane into a highly populated building in an almighty act of idiocy and undoubted blindness because they're so devoted to his their cause.

5. They have silly names.

The key property of a henchman is to have a stupid name. Morpheus followers past and present include people who go by the names of Link, Mouse, Tank, Data and Apoc. Hardly the coolest of names.

Cobra Commander; perhaps the most stupid names in animated history were part of CC's posse, galoots like Destro, Baroness and Doctor Mind-Bender were bad enough, but when you throw in the twins - Tamox and Xamot, well.

Krang; had three henchmen with specific names. Shredder - the kitchen appliance and Beebop and Rock-Steady - musical plays on words. Not only are these names inanely un-creative, but they are intellectually insulting.

6. He lives in a cave.

We all know that known terrorists can't just live in a plushy New York appartment all the time, like the cast of Friends, so they're forced to seek out alternative homes. Morpheus lives in a cave with his followers miles underneath the Earth's surface.

Osama; it was primarily estimated that he fled to a random cave on the border of Afghanistan (Eminem publicised it in his Without Me video). It's now believed that he lives under a ton of rubble called Mount Tora Bora.

Krang; when he wasn't jetting off to Dimension X, lived in the Technodrome, miles underneath the Earth's surface. Apparently not only was their space for a colossal metal sphere there, but no-one seemed to notice it was even there.

Hmm this looks way too peaceful

Well, I think the evidence would result in a resounding 'Yes' as to whether or not Morpheus is a terrorist - easily able to compare himself to both Osama Bin Laden and Cobra Commander, surely Morpheus' actions are therefore setting an extremely poor example to viewers all over.

Anyway, I've done way too much article writing over the last 3 days, so I am out for now.

And by the way, if you didn't know Castor Troy is from the movie Face/Off, played by Nicholas Cage.