The Wedding Planner
By James

Not the latest Jennifer Lopez movie, but hell with the obvious lack of creativity in any movie that she's been in, my comments on The Wedding Planner will probably be enough for you to lie to your girlfriend, tell her you've seen it and watch something worthwhile instead. For the girls, I'm probably going to insult your idol and altogether most famous person who went out with P.Diddy, and for that I abhor you, please continue to come to my page, one day I'll write an article about how much I love Jennifer Lopez and the monument of an ass that she carries with her.

In this movie, simple societal realities are conveniently discarded once again, to produce a character who is a FAMOUS wedding planner. That's right, she plans your weddings, next to no-one sees her, but in spite of it all, she's FAMOUS. Anyway, on top of this, in an insanely funny irony, for all her expertise in planning weddings, she can't seem to find true love herself! Holy mother of god, what a freaking plot twist.

Lopez's father, obviously wants his daughter to get married, so he thoughtfully and persistently contrives to repeatedly set her up with an odd sort of character who instead of coming off as cute or deserving of the "Aww, poor thing" tag, comes of as terminally retarded and altogether annoying. This however is offset by Jennifer Lopez's awful acting and the travesty of a script, creating an effect where my lack of interest in the story is reflected by my inability to remember any of the characters' names. For the sake of convenience, I'll refer to the different characters as;

• Jennifer Lopez - Gertrude
• Matthew McConaughy - Albino Bob
• The Oddball - The Irritating Boy

Gertrude gets a really great job which will surely pave her way to global domination, and along the way begins to fall in love with Albino Bob. However, in another ground-breaking plot twist, Gertrude is astounded to find out that Albino Bob is actually the groom.

And the audience goes: Holy shit where did that come from??!!

In an effort to minimize the mental anguish that goes with recollecting this movie, I'll sum up the entire rest of the movie in one sentence, leaving you to figure out how the picture is surmised;

Gertrude spends loads of time with Albino Bob, in spite of trying to keep their collective hands off of each other because of her job needs and his bride to be, they realize that he/she is THE one for him/her and in the end;

• A - Gertrude and Albino Bob are not together.
• B - Gertrude and Albino Bob are together.
• C - James busts in to Jennifer Lopez's house, mows her down with machine gun fire and the entire world is a better place for it.

And the audience goes: This movie is awesome.

Not to be rude, but if you chose A you are a moron. Obviously B happened, but when I think about it later when I'm going to sleep, C will definitely happen. Although I feel at something of a loss, because for all my bullets I doubt that I'd ever be able to penetrate that beach-ball posterior.

Oh yeah, somewhere along the way Getrude agrees to marry The Irritating Boy, but nobody buys it for a second because they quickly remember that this is a romantic comedy starring Jennifer Lopez, which demands that she get with the sarcastic and charming guy at the end.