So what if she/he is naked?

Ultimate Definitive Sex Guide #2
OHHHHH-ral sex tips.

Really, so what? The journey has just begun my friend. Not only does your ego rest on the line, so does your reputation and the amount of female/male victims you will have in the future depend on your performance.

M : Pressured? Don't be. It's not like she'll tell your friends that you had a small dick and came in a second and that she was completely unsatisfied and spent the entire time thinking about whether she left the stove on.

F : Oh so you think you had it easy? You think men don't talk about how you lied there like a corpse or how you thought teeth felt good and he had to do the signature pull-you-on-top-because-he-couldn't-take-not-fucking-you-any-longer move. I'll tell you something for a fact : Blowjobs are the most awesome things in the world, if you're doing it well, he'll keep you there even if your jaw is locked.

Since we're on topic, lets begin with oral sex.
1) Oral sex

You could easily skip this bit and go straight into the pumping/riding, but unless you have an S plastered across your dick or have some bionic pussy, it's not going to be amazing.

F : You don't need to be amazing to satisfy a man. A wet hot mouth is enough to send him squirming and moaning....but if you were amazing? You're talking about having a potential slave....seriously, what could be more perfect than a girlfriend who can give great head?

There are several things that girls don't know about, that would contribute to great head. Sure some tongue technique, ball licking plus skilled hand movements are definitely going to feel good, but you don't want to look like you're eating a beef stick or trying to start a fire. Yes, looking sexy while blowing dick is important. Notice that men are always looking down when you're working it? It's partially because we can hardly believe we're having our dick sucked....and appreciating your amazing beauty as you work it.

Secondly, contrary to popular belief....guys actually like hearing girls gag...so don't be embarrassed if it happens. Don't ask me why, it's just the way it is. Maybe because it makes us feel like we have such a huge rod to be able to do that...or it's just me.

I'm sure you've heard of the other usual stuff like being able deep throat, licking of the testicles and possible anilingus (i've not had experience in this but it does sound appealing) that are written everywhere....so i'm not going to bother elaborating.

M : The simplest way I can put this is that women have an entire different sexual dictionary than we do. Oral sex to them doesn't mean the licking and fingering of their genitals, quite the contrary.

Oral sex to women means everything that is included in this guide plus the kissing and caressing of their breasts, tummy, inner thigh, outer labia, inner labia, back to their thighs, squeezing their buttocks, teasing their clit, back to the thigh, touching the....

You get the picture. It's impossible to do exactly what a woman wants you to do, so just go through whatever I wrote above and act as if you care and get to the juicy (pun intended) bit.

Again, we're quite different from women which brings me to my most important point. If a girl starts moaning more and starts moving their hips, IT IS NOT A SIGNAL TO GO FASTER no. DOWN BOY. STOP. Return to the same pace you were before. The only signal she could possibly give you is a push at the back of your head or simply asking you....so stop doing the going faster thing, it might feel good for us, but not for them.

Finally, the vagina is not video game where the faster you move your fingers in and out, the more points you get. The women you watch in porn movies are not really having fun, they're actresses (AHHAHAHAHA), so "finger fucking" as fast as you can does not feel good. What works for me is as follows:

1. 2.

and repeat. Make sure your nails are cut....and keep a tempo going. Remember, you're not trying to dig a hole, but rather massage.

Alright, sex guide #2 done....stop bothering me for a while. If you're hot, female, give great head and wish to demonstrate, go ahead and send an email to either

james@suckball.com or fcukfest@hotmail.com (Louis)