Being a film elitist, I usually only bother to discuss film with other elitists, and as such I’ve been the subject of a lot of ridiculous discussion on A History of Violence. I’m not a snob or anything, but I just would rather not have a discussion about why its awesome when Tom Cruise pulls up on his motorcycle’s front wheel swings around and shoots the car till it blows up in Mission Impossible II. Anyway, usually with films in discussion, people pick apart minor plot holes like how did the video camera keep rolling when the aliens came if all forms of electricity were out in war of the worlds? But for some reason, people seem to overlook the fact that this film doesnt even have a plot.

I’m not quite sure who decided Viggo Mortensen could act and as such deserved another leading role after his performance in three Lord of the Rings movies that basically consisted of him bitching about being the king or not and him bringing a sword in an arc over his head and then slicing down at the camera for three hours at a time. Every action he did in any of the movies consisted of him bringing the sword in an arc and then slicing down. He did that when he cut his toenails.

Obviously Viggo Mortensen takes sucking to a whole new level in this film because there are no elves, large scale wars, flying monster things and/or Hugo Weaving. We also get to see him have sex with Maria Bello. Twice. And believe me this is not a plus.

His character development fucking blows and flat out doesn’t even have a history. If this was the way to make a movie, Casino would have ended when Robert De Niro got blown up by a car bomb about 80 seconds into the movie. Who needs a backstory? Ignoring the fact that he’s suddenly a national hero but none of the journalists seem able to find out he was previously a nut case mafia killer? Gnarls Barkley got famous off of one song and now every member of the press could tell you what colour underwear he wears on a wednesday.

The film is basically a 10 minute porno flick stretched out into a ninety minute film which is about 88 minutes too long. There’s flickers of truly mediocre dialogue sandwiched between either Viggo Mortensen indulging in improptu sex with his rape victim wife or him shooting someone in the face.

The comment on imdb.com is ‘a top notch thriller’. Fuck you.

If you ever wondered what a festering dump would look like made into a film this is your answer. This film has no redeemable qualities. Even the sex scenes suck.

Music:: Rhett Miller - Come Around