How are you feeling today? I hope everything is good and well for you, your family, and anyone you have the slightest bit of care for.

Anyway, the reason I’m mailing you is because i’m wondering whether you’ve finally “caught up to me.” I know I’ve done some horrible things in the past, like lying, cheating, stealing, exploiting amongst other things, but I feel that you’ve done enough to balance things out.

I suppose it was about time that a significant other of mine would cheat on me, after all the cheating i’ve done, but don’t you think you went a little over the top? Having my ex-girlfriend go out on a date using my money, while I was doing her homework AND THEN have her come back to tell me off for doing a shady job, was a little excessive in my opinion. You know, when I found out that she cheated on me even before my plane took off, I thought “I so deserved that,” but the whole homework thing was just evil.

Nonetheless, I trusted your judgment and didn’t do anything evil back (oh trust me I could have). I even helped her out with a loan of over half my savings! I mean, that’s like Caesar giving Brutus a towel and hand lotion lest his hands get stained or worse, dry.

There are also the little things that are quite bothersome, like when my wallet went missing, in it 7-8 credit cards, debit cards, my Californian ID, my license, my social security card, my money, insurance card…boy that list goes on. Or when you tried to run me over with a car…..3 bloody times. Really, it is all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Well, that’s really all I have to say. Currently, things are pretty good with me, so i’d more than appreciate it if you could leave things the way they are now. I promise I’ll stop skiving off work to play video games…and…and…to stop wanking so much.

Thank you very much and have a great life.
Louis