Including Suckball’s website. I’m sorry you people have not been able to leave comments, but this whole server has gone to shit. It’s about time I change the layout anyway, but with my upcoming senior project and…life, I won’t have time to make any improvements. At the very least, James and I are still able to post articles, so that should suffice for the time being.

Now, about everything else that is broken.

It recently occured to me that it is near impossible for  women today (and for the next few decades) to have babies anymore. Studies have shown that the healthiest babies are born BEFORE the woman is 25, and women having children after the age of 35 is just dangerous (perimenopause takes place around that age). So, here’s the math.

Senario 1: Assume a woman graduates with some micky mouse business degree and gets out at the age of 21. She would essentially only have 4 years to climb up the corporate ladder (to a position high enough so that she wouldn’t get replaced), find a partner, make enough money to afford both a wedding and house. Now, for the first 2-3 years, the amount of money that a fresh graduate would earn is so meagre that it would hardly make ends meet in terms of room, board, and possibly tuition loans. Say she is fortunate enough to find a partner that is earning around the same wage (lets say double), it would make little difference because they would not be able to afford a house by the time they’re 25, nor have a fairy tale wedding (Average cost of a wedding in the US - $30,000, but this includes the 30 cent weddings in Vegas. Average cost of a wedding where I live is over $40,000).

Fix to senario 1: In a perfect world, parents from both sides of the family would help out the struggling young couple, maybe not enough to buy a new house, but enough to have the possibility of a child. Sure the couple will bury themselves in debt for the next 30 years (at the very least), and have little savings for the child’s future, but at least having a child by the age of 25 is still possible. The perfect solution to this is for the woman to marry either a rich man, or one that is at least 10 years older who has a stable career and big savings.

Senario 2: The newly wedded couple quickly get things going and have a baby (No time for holidays mind you! The womb clock is ticking! Will address this later). Unless they have a lot of money saved up, or the husband is making enough money to pay off tuition loans, car loans, wedding loans, insurance, hospital bills as well as the 50 year loan they took out on a house, they, excuse my french, are fucked. Studies have shown that mothers should spend at LEAST 2 years nursing their child, breast feeding, comfort, playing etc lest it becomes a retard. Woman with a business degree has worked with some company for 4 years and is about to take 2 years off? Corporate America spits on you!

Fix to senario 2: One word, housewife. Women, i’m afraid the words “healthy baby” and “career” are mutually exclusive for you.

Senario 3: Here’s the kicker. Obviously the parents of the child wants their kid to have the best. Assuming that they have only ONE child, the average cost of raising a child in a public school (bare minimum) $130,000 to the age of about 17. This doesn’t include the shitload of toys, electronics, computers you’d have to buy for them, so i’m going to add that up to about $150,000. Assuming your child is a genius and gets into Stanford, 4 years of tuition is going to set you back a whopping $200,000+ (not including food). Of course this can be settled by making him/her pay for their own shit.

Fix to senario 3: A buttload of awesome investments, no holidays, eating cardboard for dinner, drug dealing, prostitution, and saving every penny after. Because with the loan on the house not yet settled, along with the high interest rates eating the couple alive, they can’t afford to spend money anywhere else if you want your child to have a future. Oh, and obviously, DO NOT HAVE MORE THAN ONE CHILD LEST ONE STARVES TO DEATH.

The outlook is bleak and frighteningly clear. We have a few options:
1) Have more and more retarded babies floating around
2) Have more and more “housewives” with self-esteem issues and a cheating husband around.
3) Have more and more bankrupt parents around
4) A death rate that is higher than the birthrate

Though it may seem that i’m talking out of my ass, I really am not. There’s a reason why countries like Germany and Singapore had a sharp decline in birthrates and marriages. So much so that the governments had to quickly respond to it (A prolonged death rate that is higher than a birthrate would crush the economy 50 years down the line because there would be too little young people to support the old people) by providing enormous tax cuts, and affirmative action for women seeking careers.

There are also other things to take into consideration, such as being a career orientated single mother, or having more than one child. Furthermore, what about engineers, lawyers, doctors, or PhD seekers, who graduate over the age of 23-25?  Last but not least? What about “alone” time? Life is not about spending your entire life taking care of your children. By the time your child has gone through college and is self sufficient, which is highly unlikely (Refer to fix for senario 1 - You still need to support them even after college), you will be too old to enjoy most of the things in life.

So remember, when a mother tells you to just marry someone rich, listen to her.