I suppose part of that reason is my knowing that I have little to no friends, nor am I willing to do anything about it. I have about a billion people who like me, and hang out with me often, but friends friends? I’m convinced I have less friends than appendages on a hand.

But at the same time, I strive to be this bitter, sarcastic, know-it-all-annoying-motherfucker that puts people down the moment I hear anything stupid (Gregory House is my master). This is when I came to realise why I have an incessant need to be in a relationship, to strap myself to someone in order to be loved, just so I can hate everyone else.

Here’s a very happy nine-months-and-many-years-ago-your-dad-didnt-use-a-condom day to all you November kids.

For some reason, my brain does a memory wipe everytime I learn what BFF stands for. Every year or so, I stumble upon “BFF” and can only get as far as knowing that one of the F stands for friends.

I suppose I should be glad that my brain actually despises useless shit.

(No, one answer is simply not enough.)

There are parts of me that are, for lack of a better word, broken. I wish for those things to be fixed, i’m not asking for something spectacular, just normalcy. I wish my family was normal, I wish my addictions were normal, I wish my obsessive compulsiveness were normal, I wish my thoughts were normal…I wish to have normal thoughts.

And there are parts of me that are “special.” I have a brilliant mind, and I know this. I have insights on things that would take people decades to realise (One of which is a certain technology that will revolutionize usb devices, and in the future, any kind of power delivering medium), my obsessive curiousity that enables me to be that annoying person that knows something about everything, and the speed in which I absorb knowledge.

The desire to be normal not only makes what is bad about me better, but also takes whatever is good - and squashes it. The key issue at hand then is to find a balance, but really, how do you balance evil thoughts with doing something good?

It’s like sticking one of your hands in freezing water, and boiling the other.

More later.

My boss announces at work today that there’s a killing to be made, high end computers selling for $200-300 a piece, market selling it for at least $700 or so. I quickly agree, hoping to make a very badly needed buck without finding the details first.

Come 5 hours later, I find out that I need to put in approximately $1,000 dollars more because everyone else has bailed out, we did not have enough, and the guy was on his way to deliver the 18 computers. I quickly borrow $800 from my friends (note, I almost NEVER borrow money) to make sure we don’t get shot by the guy when he finds out we don’t have the money.

It only gets better.

Next, I find out that the reason the computers are going so cheap is because the person’s cybercafe apparently burnt down, so the deal we’re getting involved in has “insurance fraud” written all over it. So there we were, sitting in the university car lot, almost $5,000 in 20 dollar bills, police cars periodically checking up on us because 8 people are crowding around an ATM at 11pm at night. Nothing fishy here sir. No sirreebob. Just a couple of college students gathering up cash to buy 18 insurance-fraud-computers.

I suppose it didn’t help either that the person who set this deal up is a maniac joker. Nope, it didn’t help that he went to the guy who was waiting at his house for half an hour for us to arrive and told him “Hey man, we decided not to go for it. It just isn’t worth it,” and tell him a minute later that he was joking. I’m just thankful he didn’t pull out a gun on us and proceed to rob us dry, because he very well could have.

So as it stands, I used the money that was meant for my insurance (I bet i’ll break something tomorrow), owe my friends money, and sitting on financial opportunity that could possibly land me in jail.

Next time, I’m sticking to the safer option of dealing drugs to children.

*fap fap fap*

Thank you, thank you.

Mac Book Pro 17″ Laptop, 2.5GHZ, 4gb ram, 250 gb HDD, 512 Geforce 8600M GT - $3350 USD

Man, I can’t even think of a punchline.

I’m not sure how Google works, but I desperately, desperately hope the magnificent Steven Lim finds this page. One second looking at this guy’s website (http://www.stevenlim.net) tells me this guy is googling himself every fucking day, so hopefully somehow he gets here. For those of you who don’t know who this guy is, fear not, I myself only about ten minutes ago stumbled upon his majesty. He is basically the best looking guy in Singapore, if not the world. He also wields the English language with the kind of accuracy a drunk shows a fucking urinal, but it’s all just part of his charm. Check out the video that won me over:

As you can see there are two major burns:

1. Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

2. You sucks, you sucks, sucks, sucks sucks etc

Also, if this guy isn’t eating cock every night I will be flat out stupefied:

Steven Lim I hate you. Hit me back, man. Chew my ass out like the bad ass you are.

Anyway, the reason I’m mailing you is because i’m wondering whether you’ve finally “caught up to me.” I know I’ve done some horrible things in the past, like lying, cheating, stealing, exploiting amongst other things, but I feel that you’ve done enough to balance things out.

I suppose it was about time that a significant other of mine would cheat on me, after all the cheating i’ve done, but don’t you think you went a little over the top? Having my ex-girlfriend go out on a date using my money, while I was doing her homework AND THEN have her come back to tell me off for doing a shady job, was a little excessive in my opinion. You know, when I found out that she cheated on me even before my plane took off, I thought “I so deserved that,” but the whole homework thing was just evil.

Nonetheless, I trusted your judgment and didn’t do anything evil back (oh trust me I could have). I even helped her out with a loan of over half my savings! I mean, that’s like Caesar giving Brutus a towel and hand lotion lest his hands get stained or worse, dry.

There are also the little things that are quite bothersome, like when my wallet went missing, in it 7-8 credit cards, debit cards, my Californian ID, my license, my social security card, my money, insurance card…boy that list goes on. Or when you tried to run me over with a car…..3 bloody times. Really, it is all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Well, that’s really all I have to say. Currently, things are pretty good with me, so i’d more than appreciate it if you could leave things the way they are now. I promise I’ll stop skiving off work to play video games…and…and…to stop wanking so much.

Thank you very much and have a great life.
Louis