Now that would be a lie because I think it’s something more like…a bazillion years.

First things first, the future of suckball.
Surprisingly, Suckball still maintains an average of 500 unique visitors a month, a significant drop from the 800ish we were getting last year, but we do have lives. I’ve grown bored of this layout, and it is pretty restraining (though very aesthetically pleasing) in terms of archiving and things. Articles are hard to find and move as I see fit…I don’t like that. I wish to get back to our old layout. Takes a little more time on my/James’ part to post updates, but it’ll be a whole lot more flexible.

Next, bitching about people who bitch about me bitching about movies.
I can’t stand movies that waste my time, and many movies achieve this by adding things that don’t make any sense. I can already hear the haters going “Yeah, lighten up. It IS a movie.” True, but all movies have to adhere to strict rules in physics, biology and even chemistry to ensure they flow properly unless stated otherwise.

Take for example, The Matrix. The movie started off with some really trippy stuff (mouth scene) but then later explains why it is all possible. Wait, sorry. The Matrix is a horrible example because Neo later creates an EMP shockwave from his fingers in the real world and never explained how the fuck that happened, which led to eternal, dead boring discussions by pretentious “intellectuals.” (Note: If the computers relied on humans as power generators, don’t the humans require nutrition? And if nutrition is required for the humans, surely there are other much more efficient ways?)

Which brings me to The Last Samurai. There was a dispute between James and I about this movie. He likes it, and I think it’s an utter shitpile. Honestly, I would rather chew on my testicle than to watch that movie again. To summarize, American hero goes to Japan, gets owned by samurais, learn their ways in 2 days, bangs the wife of the person he killed, surpassed their fighting skills in less than a year when they have been training their entire lives, oh and is the ONLY SAMURAI WHO LIVES IN THE END. They go on a kamikaze run into an army to meet a rain of bullets, canons, mortars…. Every other japanese gets ripped apart and he gets a bullet in his arm. They must have missed out the part where he mastered the ways of Bullet Dodging from Borris the Bullet Dodger, which by the way is way more conceivable than what they tried to pull off as luck.