Kanye West - “Late Registration”

Even though I hate Kanye West with enough energy to power a small satellite, I have to admit that his album climbs a huge mountain and takes a dump on top of everything else that was released this year. Having more samples than Hitz FM helps, but so does having Jon “God” Brion helping you out. In case you aren’t aware, he’s the genius that scored films like Punch-Drunk Love and Eternal Sunshine. Unfortunately its only a matter of time before Kanye is up on stage picking up his trophy and thanking god for the strength and talent to call a woman a bitch to a catchy beat twenty times.

Mariah Carey - “The Emancipation of Mimi”

I’m pretty sure that it’s an accepted stastic that the last time Mariah Carey had a good song she was singing ballads and not being slammed by rappers/having mental breakdowns. How this album got itself a nomination is beyond me. Mariah has sucked for a good ten years (both literally and figuratively) so this has got to be a pity nomination.

Paul McCartney - “Chaos and Creation in the Backyard”

I’m not even gonna try and make out like I’ve heard a single song from this album. This is what we call a ‘used to be great’ nomination.

Gwen Stefani - “Love. Angel. Music. Baby.”

It’s a good album. Not particularly my taste, but I can appreciate good stuff when I hear it. And usually when you have Pharrell write you something it’s good stuff, just so long as he isn’t intending to use it himself. “Good” was the video that made me realise Gwen Stefani is hot if she isn’t dressing like a 6 year old black girl/someone who fell into a dumpster and decided to keep everything that stuck to her on out of spite. “Hollaback Girl” kills me a little, inside.

U2 - “How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb”

It’s amazing how many of the bands on this list I hate, but I actually don’t hate U2. Bono is after all a good guy. What I do hate is elitist U2 fans who think the guy is still a rocker. That said though, the album is a steaming pile of shit and is blatantly here because the academy got together and thought, well kanye is blatantly going to win, so let’s wing these guys a nomination, he’s trying to fight world poverty or some shit anyway. And also, shut up, “Vertigo” is awful.