If you haven’t seen the latest episode of PRISON BREAK, you’re probably gonna get the shit SPOILED for you if you keep reading…

I remember seeing the first episode of the series PRISON BREAK with my brother two years ago, and then being powerless to stop watching. I was adamant that we would draw the process out, make the money I splashed out on the box set worthwhile, but we still couldn’t help but watch the entire season in less than a week. Season 2 started off well, but jumped the shark big time, around the point where Michael’s dad bites the bullet and by Season 3 the show has descended into clusterfuck territory. How the hell Michael’s character went from genius to fucking retard over the space of this period is beyond me. Is it realistic to have him suddenly become a moron? Is this a result of the constant mental stress of being on the run? The constant fearing for your life? The lack of adequate nutrition? Possibly.

If you guys have been keeping up with developments, you’ll know we’re on the 8th episode of the 3rd season right now. I’ve watched the 7th one and I’m going to get down to the last episode later on tonight, but while I take a break from the travesties going on in that fucking prison, I thought I’d first explain how one could possibly escape Sona Federal Penitentiary. As much as Scofield makes it look like it’s going to take a season of meticulous planning, and his ability to construct intricate devices out of defunct microwave ovens and rat hairs, let’s call a spade a fucking shovel here: it is SIMPLE.

WAY TO ESCAPE SONA #1

DON’T BE A RETARD AND RUN

By Episode 7, Michael’s plan is for him and Whistler to at 3:13, when the sun obscures the vision of one guard, and the other is drugged, to climb down a ladder and then run the ten metres across ‘No-Man’s Land’, then break through the fence that has been weakened by Sucre. In Episode 7, Michael gets all the way down and Whistler half-way, when he notices that the sun is starting to become obscured by the clouds, in his infinite stupidity, he shouts to Whistler, to GO BACK! GO BACK! I AM A FUCKING IDIOT! GO BACK!

First of all, this is retarded because he knows he’s going to have to go back and fight. So one of them is dead anyway. But why is this the most stupid thing that he could ever, possibly do? Well, here is a short list of the things that the pair of these galoots manage to do before the guard turns around to look at them:

1. Shout “Go Back” five times.
2. Watch Whistler climb back up into the window.
3. Wait for Whistler to get inside, then climb. Very slowly.
4. Look back at the guard (not climbing anymore).
5. Pull Michael inside.
6. Draw the rope ladder back inside.

And here is what he needed to do:

1. Run ten metres to the fence.

Great job. Way to draw out the season, ass.

WAY TO ESCAPE SONA #2

SIMPLE MILITARY MATH

Here is an excerpt of the Wikipedia entry for ‘The Company’ (the shadowy organisation that brought Scofield to Sona Penitentiary to break Whistler out):

The Company is a fictional covert organization featured in the American television drama/thriller series Prison Break. It is a secret group of multinationals known almost exclusively by those who work for them (with the exception of those opposing them). Its influence and power over individuals stretches to the White House, controlling every decision the country makes. Its main goal is to maintain control over the country’s economy…

The Company and its operatives has on several occasions displayed their complete lack of reason and regard to people, and also innocent peoples lives.

So these guys control almost everything powerful in America, including the SECRET SERVICE?? Here is that math for you:

2 BULLETS + ONE SNIPER RIFLE = WENTWORTH FUCKING SOME CHICK THAT VERY SAME NIGHT

These guys control (among others) the Secret Service! You’re telling me we really need Michael to drug one of the guards and bank on the other’s vision being temporarily obscured by the glare from a tin roof? You’re telling me these cats couldn’t just snipe both those mother fuckers and guarantee it? And why stop there? These guys hired that Kellerman guy with ease, you’re telling me they couldn’t put together a crack unit and break that mother fucker out of there? It is quite frankly, ludicrous to think that The Company need Scofield to get that boy out.

The only positive that this season has is that we traded out Tancredi for the hot Latina chick, and that we’ve been going only eight episodes and we’ve already had someone’s head in a box.