HOW STUPID ARE CEREAL MASCOTS?

By James

 

 

As I sat in front of my television, eating breakfast, I realised just how stupid cereal mascots are. And not only that, but the ridiculous ideas they're inflicting on the youth of the world. Seriously, the shit kids are learning from these adverts... It's no wonder we've got war and terrorism in the world. How can we expect otherwise when we've got shit like this on our TV's?


Lucky The Leprechaun


Lucky pisses me off every time I see that god damn advert. The bastard can turn the fucking moon into a marshmallow but he can't escape a bunch of 8 year old kids??!? Come on...You know he's got to have a 'kill those fucking kids' spell somewhere in that lucky pot 'o gold. Right?

At the end of the day, you know the cereal would be so much cooler if you substituted Lucky for one of the leprechauns in those really shitty B-movies like Leprechaun in Space and shit. He'd just ice those dead-beats on the spot.

Not to mention the blatant ideas of 'hey let's beat the shit outta this old man and take his pension!', seeing as how all they want is Lucky's pot o'gold. And at a time like now, I think it's a little insensitive to perpetuate the idea of beating up immigrants isn't?

Bottom line? The advert is about a bunch of children trying to get a hold of a tiny Irish man's 'charms'.


Cap'n Crunch


The guy is in the fucking navy for christ's sake. Because what's better to be thinking of while you're eating breakfast and preparing for the day, than NAVAL WARFARE.

And I'm sorry, but his ship kinda reminds me of somewhere real: NEVERLAND. Seriously, is this guy not the exact embodiment of Michael Jackson in cereal? "Come aboard me ship and play navy" is all he says to those fucking kids.

And doesn't Michael Jackson always wear jackets with those exact same shitty golden shoulder things? I wonder if Cap'n Crunch can dance...


Trix Rabbit


He is the worst of the bunch. That advert is so frigging stupid.

WHY THE HELL DON'T THOSE SPOILT BRAT KIDS GIVE TRIX SOME CEREAL?

For those of you who haven't seen it, the adverts revolve around Trix wanting to get some of the cereal. He doesn't want a whole box or anything, just a damn bowl, but the kids never let him, so he tries his best to disguise himself and win an invite to their breakfast table. However, just before he gets to bite into it, he wigs out under the pressure and reveals himself, just in time for the kids to take it and run away.

First of all, in some of the adverts, Trix buys some of it, before SOME KIDS RUN OVER AND STEAL IT, shouting that mantra 'Silly rabbit trix are for kids'. What the hell man? If I was Trix I would go APE SHIT and beat the fucking life from those brats.

That's fucking BLATANT THEFT. In my book that means you can do whatever the hell you want. And I think Judge Dredd would agree.

But what does he do? He ties his his ears under his head and puts on a cap to look like a kid.

Now Mulan was fucking PUSHING IT. This is just plain stupid.

I don't know about you, but if I saw that, I wouldn't be thinking 'hey that's a cool looking regular human kid, why don't I share my cereal with him?' I'd be thinking a) that is a fucking rabbit and b) what the fuck have I been smoking?


I hate cereal.