I haven't even heard the entire song, just the minute-long snippet that was released on to the internet today. I don't know if it was illegally leaked, or whether it was a carefully constructed marketing ploy dreamed up by Britney's money men. But trust me, NEITHER OF THESE WOULD BE WORTHY EXPLANATIONS.
This song is shit. Actually scratch that. This piece of auditory brain spunk is shit. There are few things that rival the ultimate cash cow of straight anal ownage that is this song. Maybe the holocaust. Maybe the assassination of President Kennedy. Maybe Forces of Nature with Ben Affleck and Sandra Bullock and the love they find in a WALMART. But that's another story.
Yes back to the 'song'... Imagine being straight pile-drived by a nazi midget from behind, and if you can in some way, translate that into music. That's what listening to this is like. I know I'm not the most knowledgable person on the subject of music, but I'm pretty sure that it - especially pop music - should at the very least a) sound good and b) be entertaining?
Well listening to this song a) sounds about as good as having N'Sync release an album where only the fat guy from My Big Fat Greek Wedding sings and b) is about as entertaining as a Shaq movie.
That said, like I mentioned earlier, I haven't heard the whole song, and I could actually be really wrong about it. I FUCKING DOUBT IT THOUGH.
The first couple of lines of the song are:
"i should be sayin' keep my damn name outya mouth,
but yall people keep increasing ma change amount, so..
go ahead and say what y'all wanna
Genius.
Just genius.
Not entirely sure what "increasing ma change amount" means, but hey..
Can't really say anything else about that. Sure, I've made the occasional red-neck living off of his hick ho of a wife, it's just an easy joke, like calling Rosie O Donnel fat, or Calista Flockhard SKINNY TO THE BRINK OF INVISIBILITY. It is true, people are always talking about Kevin Federline, or K-Fed. So lets move on.
"i know yall wish you were in my position cos i keep gettin in positions that you wish you wasn't."
Errm. Dyslexic are you there Kevin? What the fuck does that mean? I guess we should find solace in the fact that things can't really get much worse than that and move quickly on..
"Cousin."
Ooh.
Shit.
You just rhymed "wasn't" with "cousin"....
Hell we're already on this paternal, family type theme, how about we burn up another line and run with it.
"i'm not ya brother, not ya uncle, i'm ya daddy, doo
steppin in this game y'all dont got a clue"
Nice
"but know that you really can't wait cos people always asking me whens the release date
well maybe then you can wait and see until then all these pavarottis followin me"
Errmmm......
You didn't just say.....Pavarottis....did you?
Yes Kevin, you did.
You dumb fuck.
How many people do you have working on this fucking song, because you damn sure didn't write that music, record, dub, mix and all that shit, and not one of you fucking spunk bubbles could pick on the fact that you used the word - fuck that not even a fucking WORD - a name, Pavarotti, instead of PAPARAZZI??
"Back then, they called me K-Fed, but you can call me Daddy instead, Y'all Ain't Ready."
That's the chorus I guess. Who fucking called you K-Fed.. Really? Jesus this song is fucking awful.
A LITTLE SECTION I LIKE TO CALL THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH BRITNEY
Everyone knows Britney Spears. I'm pretty much sure you could shout hit me baby one more time and the sperm in an 18 year old kid would know what you were talking about. She could have probably ended world hunger with all that moolah she's made singing about subversive violence, tearing her clothes off and thrashing around on stage as if shot in the solarplexes.
But what did she decide to do?
Oh yeah thats right. Launch the musical career of one Kevin Federline. K-Fed. The Mack. And now every fucking radio station on the planet is gonna be force-fed his shit, until its in regular circulation, you know how that shit works?
YOU KNOW HOW THIS SHIT WORKS
I think I've lost all frame of reference and direction here...
