The Matrix Revolutions:

Director's Cut

By James

 

 

 

This article follows on from The Matrix Reloaded: Director's Cut, which you should probably read first.

 

We enter on Neo taking Trinity back to the Nebachadnezzarararaararararrrararr.

 

 

Trinity: Neo, what are we going to do now?

Neo: Well, I need to take a ship to the machine city.

Trinity: What???

Neo: You heard me.

Trinity: What do you think Morpheus?

Morpheus: It is the prophecy. He must follow his heart.

Trinity: Bullshit.

Neo: I'm going to take this ship, Morpheus.

Morpheus: Ok. I must allow you, despite the fact that you do not know how to fly one. It is, after all, the prophecy.

Trinity: Well I'm coming with you.

Neo: Ok.

 

Neo and Trinity get in the ship and fly off. Meanwhile, Niobe, Ghost, Morpheus and Chris Rock with dreadlocks all pile into the "Hammer" with it's crew and set off for Zion, who awaits the machine invasion.

 

Trinity: HOLY SHIT NEO!! IT'S BANE!!

Neo: What the fuck? I'll save you!!

Agent Smith: Look past the flesh... And see your enemy!!

Neo: What?

Agent Smith: I'm Smith.

Neo: Oh.

 

 

Smith smashes Trinity to the floor. Neo moves in to punch him, but is jammed in the eyes by a couple of high voltage cables that Smith rips from the ship's walls.

 

Neo: OH SHIT I'M BLIND!!

Agent Smith: YES!!

Trinity: Are you ok Neo??

Neo: Yeah, for some reason despite the massively charged cables frying my eyes, I was not electrocuted. AWESOME!!

 

Neo proceeds to beat Smith down, and he and Trinity fly on.

 

Trinity: Holy shit there are like a bazillion sentinels there!!

Neo: Don't worry.

Trinity: What? Are you fucking insane?

Neo: It's ok, I've conveniently been granted the power to stop Sentinels by just using thought and a dramatic hand gesture.

Trinity: I love those Wachowskis! :)

 

Neo destroys a couple thousand sentinels, but then it appears there are too many even for him.

 

Neo: Fly up.

Trinity: What?

Neo: Fly over them.

Trinity: But this is a ship that's levitating via electrostatic force, there's no way it can fly. We'd have to charge both the outside of the ship and the ground below, which is near impossible, with such a small power supply. Lest we forget we've hit a couple of hundred sentinels, damaging the thrusters and oh yeah, Bane ripped out one of our power cables and rammed it in your face just now.

Neo: It's needed for the story to continue damn it. I'm the one and we need to fly up to win, so fuck it just quit your whining and do it.

Trinity: Ok.

 

Back in Zion, the big machine drill has just fallen through a hole that it made through the roof and Sentinels are now pouring into the city.

 

Zionite: Wow that thing's incredible!!

Zionite 2: I know, it bored through a million miles of rock to get here, and somehow there's no debris!! That's AWESOME!!

 

 

The Zion defence are fending off millions of sentinels in huge exo-skeletons with machine guns, while Commander Lock tries to rally some troops underground.

 

Commander Lock: We can do it!! For Zion!!

Commander General: You really think we can do it? Defeat all these sentinels?

Commander Lock: Sure, why not, they'll fly in straight lines so that it's outragously easy to shoot them down. Also, our bullets will not even have a hint of parabolic flight. They will shoot straight and true for miles!

Commander General: Yeah, thank god the sentinels don't fly in a war-like and sporadic fashion, otherwise would be raped within a matter of seconds.

Commander Lock: umm DUH!! This way though, we can do it!!

Commander General: Yeah! Oh yeah, where's our armour?

Commander Lock: Armour? Fuck, we don't need armour.

Commander General: Not even a helmet?

Commander Lock: Fuck you pussy boy.

Commander General: Umm, I'm a little concerned that since we're in a concrete domed room, bullets would be ricocheting everywhere, as well as bits of debris and random flack flying everywhere. Don't you think we could get hit?

Commander Lock: Are you kidding? We're the good guys! FOR ZION!!

 

The battle wears on and every single cliche in the book is used up. Soldiers are growing weary, as two Zionites watching the battle get to talking.

 

 

Zion Woman: This battle's amazing.

Chris Rock: I know, those men are so brave.

Zion Woman: No, that's not what I meant.

Chris Rock: Oh, then what?

Zion Woman: Well, I just find it amazing that despite Zion being an enclosed, already dusty underground dome, with only a tiny hole in the roof, the gun smoke and fumes have somehow not managed to reach toxic levels, or obscure vision whatsoever.

Chris Rock: Wow, yeah you're right.

Zion Woman: More amazing still, the threshold pain intensity for sound is about 130db, a single machine gun blast can be as much as 170db, so considering the fact that there are thousands of exo-skeletons each with two machine guns railing off tens of bullets a seconds, it's a wonder we aren't all deaf.

Chris Rock: Yeah. Cool.

 

Finally, all the people in the ship arrive, and as they crash into Zion, they release the EMP and instantly destroy all the machines in the vacinity.

 

 

Everyone in Zion: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Commander Lock: You stupid fucks, you just decimated our defences.

Morpheus: And their sentinels.

Commander Lock: How are we going to defend their second wave?

Morpheus: We'll just get in the ship and release another EMP.

Commander Lock:... Fuck that, it needs to be more dramatic. We'll go and assess the damages then give everyone a pistol.

Morpheus: k.

 

Elsewhere, Neo makes a sissy pact with the machines' giant talking face. He then goes off and fights Agent Smith and beats him. The Oracle talks to little random Indian girl and the sun shines. The end.