GILLETTE:
DO NOT BELIEVE THAT AD CAMPAIGN OF LIES

By James

 

 

I hate shaving. Absolutely loath it, and although I see nothing wrong with it on other people, I just feel that it's wrong, just plain wrong of me to be absolutely one-hundred percent Lance Bass clean cut. So therein lies a problem. Now, I don't expect girls to understand the pain that guys go through, I mean why would they?

a) They shave their legs. Guys get kicked in their legs on a regular basis, so pain in this region is hardly a problem.

b) Girls watch adverts of gross falacy whereby 60s porn-stars effortlessly shave perfect patches off of their cheeks.
(And then a jaguar or some other jungle wild-cat jumps towards the screen as we splash to GILLETTE: The best a man can get.)

But what girls fail to understand is, that not only is shaving a collossal pain in the ass, but that GILLETTE IS well and trully FULL OF SHIT.

Gillette takes you for fools. And my friends you must be, if you're willing to shell out $10.90 for a Gillette Mach 3 turbo razor. That's ONE RAZOR. Then let's not forget that you have to buy a shit load of razor blades like all the time. How much do they cost? Well you'd think they'd at least be less than the mach 3, I mean that was a high performance piece of steel, this is just a couple of blades.

Nu-UH! That's $19.30 for 8 blades. EIGHT BLADES!!!! That's insane! Fuck you Gillette!

+
= WHO GIVES A FUCK? NO MATHS IN THE WORLD COULD JUSTIFY THAT THEIVERY!

All that adverts are so blatantly fake too. It's painfully obvious that the guy has shaved his cheek like sixty times before he applies the shaving cream. Then when he wipes away that fluffy exterior, there's nothing but smooth skin!! Wow! This really is the best a man can get!!

Let's have a look at Gillette's latest product:

"Gillette M3Power -- a MACH3 innovation -- is a groundbreaking, powered wet shaving system for men that delivers a totally new shaving experience resulting in Gillette’s best shave ever.



M3Power builds on the heritage of MACH3 and combines Gillette’s latest and best razor and blade technologies. M3Power outperforms all other blades and razors in closeness, comfort and safety during and after the shave."

If you own this razor, then you are an idiot. An for all intents and purposes, are probably useless. If you own it because someone bought it for you, well then I'm sorry to say, but you're most likely still at least partially stupid, since you share the company of idiots, and it's a well documented fact that stupidity is contagious.

WHY WOULD YOU BUY THIS?

Because it "outperforms all other blades and razors in closeness, comfort and safety"? Seriously, when you shave, does it matter if you have 0.000001 or 0.000002 of a cm of hair left on your face? The fact is I could shave with any other razor and have my face looking hair free. THIS FEATURE IS USELESS. Secondly, how many of you have cut yourself while shaving? I've seen this before, and I must say I'm astounded. How do you even do it? I mean, you put the cream, hell you don't even have to put the cream, just put some water, and gently draw the razor across your face until there's no more hair left. If you need a razor that is especially safe then you probably need a lot more than that

Features and Benefits: • Gillette M3Power features Micro-Power™, a gentle pulsing action powered by a Duracell AAA battery.

WHOA WHOA WHOA. A Duracell AAA Battery? Not only am I paying out of the ass for a piece of shit razor, I also have to pay for batteries to do something that I think, I *THINK* I can just about manage with oh say the power of my right arm?

The razor is shower-safe, allowing a man to shave wherever he prefers.

Well spank my ass and call me Judy. If that's not absolute comfort then I don't know what is. A razor.... That's shower-safe! That's almost un-real!! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I COULD SHAVE...... AND SHOWER???!?!?!!???!?!???


OVERLY PRICED GILLETTE SHAVING SHIT! COLLECT THE WHOLE SET! BRANKUPCY IS ONLY A PHARMACY AWAY!!

So what do I use? Well I'm going to be honest with you, I use RM3 bright yellow women's plastic disposable razors. Yeah I know it's not very manly at first sight, but when you think about it, those bad boys were meant to shave two whole legs, that's a whole lot more than those dainty little facial razors that Gillette puts out.