Johnny Depp and a select few others are members of the group I like to refer to as the ‘Really Really Hot haha no wait’ guys. People who get way too much praise for being just crazy hot when they really aren’t. Now, there are a number of reasons for this and for admission into this group, and his fellow members consist of people like Orlando Bloom and Jonathan Rhys-whatever that faggot from Bend it Like Beckham who looks like a serial rapist in every single photograph.

For some reason, everybody on the face of the Earth in 2003 suddenly decided that Johnny Depp was the greatest acting talent ever to grace this universe. I read an article on the top 100 actors of all time and he was listed 2nd. SECOND! Apparently he’s a better actor than every single person in Hollywood except Marlon Brando. Give me a fucking break. He’s nowhere near Edward Norton or Sean Penn and that’s just contemporary. Off the top of my fucking head I could list Kevin Spacey, Tom Hanks De Niro, Pacino oh my god my head.

Now I’m not dumping on Johnny, but seriously, one outrageously cool performance in Pirates of the Carribean DOES NOT make you gods gift to acting. Or sexiness. I’m still reeling from the whole Pirates of the Carribean thing. I’ll be the first to admit the film was ALL ABOUT Depp, and had it been anyone else in that role it would have been doomed, but I just cannot understand how he suddenly became such fucking hot shit. That movie is so powerful and I hate it because it gave Orlando Bloom street cred. Before that (and probably after) he would have always been known as the least heterosexual character in the Lord of the RIngs movies.

Johnny Depp is so fucking hot right now he could star in the worst movie adaptation of a Steven King film since Dreamcatcher and people would be like yeah it was okay DEPP WAS HOT. He’s so fucking hot right now - and this is my favourite one - people suddenly think every piece of shit film he’s ever made was an unappreciated masterpiece. Donnie Brasco was not a good film, nor was From Hell, or The Astronauts Wife. Get over it. 9 out of 10 of his films suck.

Johnny Depp was so fucking hot in Pirates of the Carribean that he can wear whatever the fuck he wants and people will just ignore it! It’s like when Michael Jackson molested the first kid, he was so hot it was just like ah don’t worry about it, homeboy made Thriller.

Come on, what the fuck is that. I watch a lot of E! and I see that guy in the lemon sorbet button down rag on every fucking outfit seen but when it comes to Johnny Depp it’s just like oh I love Johnny he’s so super yummy right nowww.www WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT HIS GAY FUCKING SUIT HE WAS JACK SPARROW. I love how anything Johnny wears is suddenly back in style and super hot shit. Like those glasses. If Lindsay Lohan turned up at the Oscars in those everyone would be like bitch please. But when Johnny Depp wears them and tops the outfit off with a grandfather suit its like OH MY GOD SO EDGY GET ME A PAIR.

The guy is really, really cool, I don’t doubt that. But the thing is he is the exact same cool in every single film. People seem to think he’s amazing because he adds these really fucking cool character quirks except they dont seem to realise that it’s the exact same quirk he applied in the last role. That doesn’t make great acting! That’s just being himself! For a good performance he should trying fucking suppressing the quirks. Yes! He’s cool, but he’s not a great actor. He’s barely even good looking. He’s awesome and he’d probably be a guest at my fantasy dinner party but he’s no way as good as people give him credit for.

He is no Gary Oldman. Of all the quirky actors Gary Oldman is second to none.