Justin Timberlake, Backstreet Boys, N Sync, Xtina, Britney Spears.
What do they all have in common apart from the millions of fans they have groveling at their feet?
They’re pop stars. Yes. And now I shall give a step by step explanation how they did it, and you can do it too!
 
Step 1:
Change your name. You can’t have a name like Louis Tan. What kinda name would that be? Would you really scream out Louis TANNNNNnnNNNn!!!
No.
So let us change that to say
Louis Copperfield. Or Louis Eddingfold or even Louis Egaysies.
Basically, the names have to be “Cool” It helps when it’s sorta erotic too, add a little Spanish mixture in there, or French, and maybe Russian even. But definitely not Malay or Chinese, because that wont work.
They day when “Chen Hai Aun” or “Mohammed Zakri” type names make it famous in the U.S, is the day I’ll shave my head bald.
 
Step 2:
Change your face. Hopefully you were born with a really nice shaped face, pimples don’t really matter because they put an inch of makeup on your face anyway, but they won’t be able to hide black skin (You can bleach your skin white though) or a big fat nose. Don’t worry, fix that up and you’re ready to go. Plastic surgeons available at 1-800-change-face
 
Step 3:
Change your body. Silicon is possibly the best invention for famous stars since electricity. You can put it anywhere? Tits, abs, butt heck, even your face! When I’m older and rich, I’m going to try to put breasts on my thighs.
 
Step 4:
Get a really cool screen name/band name/whatever name. Example would be Xtina. Whoa, how leet is that? Just X is always cool, anything with Xs are cool. Like, X-men or Xena warrior princess. It’s always cool to replace long words with letters. Don’t understand? I’ll give you an example
Xeqtr. What the fuck did I just type? Type pronouncing it X-e-q-tr.
X-er-cue-ter.
Executer, understand? Isn’t that just so absolutely funky?
Lets try another word. Xtnt. N Sync. So think of a good name boys and girls, and you’re half way there.
 
Step 5:
You don’t really need to be able to sing, it’s how you look that really sells. By now you should’ve made it somewhere, if you’re not popular yet, you must apply this age-old PoP trick. Do like a
 
World is my Oyster
Copperfield feat. Pdiddy
 
Just looking at that makes you want to actually listen to the song doesn’t it? How are you going to get Pdiddy to do the song with you?
Don’t worry about it, you don’t really need a famous rap star. Just a rap artist with a name that SOUNDS famous like
 
World is my Oyster
Copperfield feat. Xeqtr
 
Step 6:
This is the final step and one of the most important one. You need a music video. There’re several approaches to music videos, I’ll give you the list
 
1. The raining video. This video is to show off how good your plastic surgeon really was. Just by sheer coincidence you will be wearing a thin white shirt so your female followers can drool at your silicon abs
2. The girl chasing video/guy. In this video, you will chase a girl and stalk her throughout the video, then have a scene where your lips are mere millimetres away from hers so your female subjects around the world drool, wishing they were in her shoes
3. The cool video. I mean, you always need a cool video. Why would you let your cool name go to waste? Cool videos have
. Cool cars (Lamborghinis, Ferraris, CONVERTABLES)
. Very scantily dressed sexual females (Preferably blond or Latin)
. Rap artist doing his West side or East side thing
.Very nicely choreographed dances....with near naked female dancers...of course.
 
 
There you have it. 6 easy steps to become a sexual pop star with millions of screaming fans.
Notice that I did not mention anything about having the ability to sing.
Well, all you need is some ass, breasts and you’re already there. I mean, look at what silicon did for Britney Spears (*GASP* How can you say a thing like that)
It’s not a surprise they call them “Entertainers” more than “Singers” anyway.
Peace out.