Oceans Twelve

I mentioned before I watched the movie that, with an all-star cast like this...what in the world could possibly go wrong? I mean, look at the masterpiece Oceans Eleven. Heist movies will never be the same again after that film because that set the bar on what heist movies should be like.

Oceans Twelve hardly made that height and fell flat on it's face.

I'll start of with the way they filmed it - Absolutely atrocious. I don't know how many of you can relate but at times of the movie I actually felt ill because of the way some scenes were shot. For  example - The scene where they discuss their first heist. They used a low resolution camera (in comparison to the other scenes) in order to get the illusion or atmosphere that it was in fact YOU in the room watching them discuss it.

Good idea, fucked up execution.

The result was a shaky camera, bad resolution, bad focus and me feeling sea sick. With that in mind, I could hardly concentrate with what they were talking about. WORST of it all, they were talking about robbing a  someone's house containing a CERTIFICATE valued at 2.2 million euros....
Compare it to Ocean's Eleven when the discussion scene was filmed near perfectly with excellent dialogue
and were robbing an unbreakable casino carrying over 100 million dollars. Sorry, failed miserably.

Next - Brad Pitt's obsession with his previous girlfriend. Great idea as Ocean's Eleven is actually based
on Daniel Ocean getting his ex-wife back, this would be like a deja vu thing undoubtedly binding the two movies together.

Honestly what the fuck happened?

In Ocean's Eleven you see Tess for a maximum of 5..give 10 minutes. So even though the movie was based on a trick Ocean is playing to get his ex-wife back...the romance was kept short and simple which was incredibly effective. Ocean's Twelve took an entirely different approach and gave Catherine Zeta Jones years of screen time and bored the audience to death by making us watch Brad Pitt stalk her. WE GET THE FUCKING POINT, PLEASE SHOW US SOME THIEVING SKILLS!

Last thing i'm going to complain about is the actual heist. In Ocean's Eleven after they busted out of the
casino, it had everyone going, How the fuck did they get out? In Ocean's Twelve everyone is like, eh? that was it?

After they managed to get out of jail (which I admit was massively cool), it kept me wondering how in the
WORLD would they manage to steal the egg so quickly? And when I finally found out how simple it was
to steal the egg, i was SEVERELY disappointed. It felt as if the movie had a massive budget cut and they
needed to cut it short....so they pretty much GAVE the loot to Ocean's team....it was close to
the cameraman randomly walking into the screen and passing the item to them..."here you go, we have hardly any time left. Just pretend I was never here".

SERIOUSLY, would you put a PRICELESS object in a BACKPACK and have just TWO agents guarding it? This thing is probably valued over hundreds and MILLIONS of dollars.

Hundreds and millions = 2 agents + backpack? Did you REALLY think this through?

Finally...to add insult to injury...the way in which nightfox got into the museum. Capoeira? You're frigging kidding me right? You're telling me that it's possible for some guy to dance around a museum floor actively avoiding 30 laser beams that go in a random pattern....TWICE? Worse of all, why would they make the lasers visible to the human eye? And if it was invisible, how did nightfox know where the lasers were if he wasn't even wearing goggles?

Sigh. This movie was so bad that Bruce Willis' appearance couldn't even save it.

This disappointment was due to the fact that i've been waiting for this movie to come out for the longest time. After watching Ocean's Eleven and absolutely LOVING it, how could the sequel not be perfect?
In the end, the movie can only be rated as mediocre...at BEST. There were some funny bits, some clever bits but also horrendous bits along with the plain stupid bits. Combine this with a TERRIBLE storyline and you get a shitfest of a movie

The only way I can describe my emotions at this moment is - Imagine you're with the hottest girl ever and she came up to you and whispered sexually into your ear "lets go somewhere quiet". And after you've undressed her, you're relieved that she has a pussy....then you find out she's a hermaphrodite with a wet pussy and a hard dick.

Steven Soderbergh (Director of Ocean's Twelve) - If you somehow stumbled upon my website or if any of you out there know him, please pass this message to him. In the words of the horrendously disgusted man to the hermaphrodite, "Go fuck yourself"