GOD DAMN YOU

Stop pissing on the damn seats! You god damned morons, It is NOT difficult to lift the seats before you take a damn crap. My favourite cubicle has been violated several times already and i've had it. I'm currently thinking of several ways I can torture these idiots who enjoy pissing on seats. Tell me what you think of it.

1. Electro therapy. Nothing complicated here, install sensors on seats which detect when someone pisses on it, have my secret police kidnap the violator, bring him into a room, attach electrodes to his temple, shock the living shit out of the motherfucker.
   

2. Back-fire piss. I believe this method will be very effective. Firstly, pumps will have to be installed in the potty facing upwards. When piss is detected on the seat, the pump will activate, shooting piss back into the face of the violator. Simple yet effective.
   

3. Bathroom jail. I have come to the conclusion that guys only piss on toilet seats because they're just too damn lazy to lift the seats. However, if you make it compulsory for them to lift the toilet seats after they're done, they will be forced to do it. So, install electromagnetic locks on the door, connected to the toilet seat with a simple algorithm.
   
   If toilet seat = down, electrically bolt door shut.
   If toilet seat = up, release electrical bolt.
   Only, this isn't just as fun. There's no pain involved. On the other hand, you can alter my proposed methods a little to add the element of pain.

1. Remove the electromagnetic door, add electric door. If idiot tries to leave without lifting seat, shock without warning. No mercy here.

2. Keep electromagnetic door, add timer. After person is done, countdown begins...hmmm...10 seconds? Is that fair? 10 seconds should be more than enough for someone to lift up the seats right? After 10 seconds is up, the toilet will detonate.

I was just informed by a friend that the female toilets in Richmond University is 10 times worse than the guy's toilet. "There are shit on the walls!" This emphasizes the urgency to install these systems into every toilet in existence. If YOU are one of the culprits who do these disgusting deeds, watch out. I'm out to get you.