No one can compare to Brad Pitt
I was just about to log off and do something within the realm of productive when I happened upon a website of one of our readers (you will know who you are) and happened to scroll down a little only to notice that hell had formally frozen over. This person had written a post about Fight Club and mentioned that (somewhat redundantly) that the film is awesome, but had then dissipated all respect by saying that they don’t think Brad Pitt is hot.
I love Brad Pitt. He’s on my list of top five favourite people. In no particular order, Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov, Joseph Stalin, Pablo Aimar and Stephan Jenkins. (Bruce Willis misses it by like an inch) And if I can possibly deflect any flack over my last comment I don’t condone mass genocide although I dont think thats what Stalin did but thats altogether a different discussion lets focus.
Now, I know that the website is pink and despite what may be written on many occasions in our guestbook, I reiterate that I am absolutely not homosexual. However, in spite of this I’m gladly going to spend twenty minutes dedicating all my time to explaining why Brad Pitt is without any shadow of a doubt the coolest and subsequently hottest and most awesome guy ever to walk the planet.
First of all he’s awesome. That goes without saying. Brad Pitt is to awesomeness what Paris Hilton is to getting fucked by three guys only two of whom you know the first names. I think probably the best thing about Brad Pitt is that he could have any woman (or man) ever born, currently being born or will ever be born. I can’t be certain of this, but I’d put money on the fact that even those people who say they don’t think Brad Pitt is hot would still gladly drag their first born child through broken glass for a mile to screw him.
I’m not sure if Brad Pitt is awesome because he picks the best roles or the roles are awesome because Brad Pitt plays them. This is a little thing I like to call the Brad Pitt paradox*. 12 Monkeys was probably the best time travel film of all time and got him an Oscar nomination but basically everything he touches is cool. He’s like Johnny Depp. But cooler. And with better abs. And he played Tyler Durden for fucks sake.
One thing I will say against him is he doesn’t have the best taste in women or the best timing. Jennifer Aniston was a good call, but outside of that? Gwenyth Paltrow looks like a member of the pigeon familia of birds, that girl from Natural Born Killers whose name escapes me is pretty nasty and he hooked up with Angelina Jolie when she was outdoing so lonely she would have probably fucked a panther.
He’s so good looking that everyone basically ignored the fact that for like a month back there he had bleach blonde hair. Louis came to the conclusion that Brad Pitt is hot because he has the greatest clothes of all time. Now that I think of it I’m not sure thats it, I think its just that he is so good looking he makes anything look good. I’m pretty sure if you put him in a human sized slinky he could still score anyone he wanted.
Anyway to sum up, I’m not gay and Brad Pitt is the coolest guy ever
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