If there’s anything I’m regular at, its posting Happy New Year on Suckball, so I suppose I can mark that off my list.
HOWEVER. I have an excuse. I was too busy stealing the oranges in Valencia, eating $8 euro prawns, admiring raked beaches of Gandia, and getting absolutely shit faced drunk.
Regardless. Here’s to your new year, and may it not be affected too much by the economic crisis.
Happy New Year.
-Suckball
1) Solve the whole world hunger problem
2) Find Osama and kill him with my thumb
3) Say “yeah sure” to a random stranger offering you free drugs at a charity concert
I’ve always wondered how it feels to be the kind of person that knows exactly what they want to do in life. I just turned 24 three days ago, I have a job that pays me way more than I deserve, I earn way more than I can conceivably spend, and yet I keep thinking that there HAS to be much more to life than this.
I suppose part of that reason is my knowing that I have little to no friends, nor am I willing to do anything about it. I have about a billion people who like me, and hang out with me often, but friends friends? I’m convinced I have less friends than appendages on a hand.
But at the same time, I strive to be this bitter, sarcastic, know-it-all-annoying-motherfucker that puts people down the moment I hear anything stupid (Gregory House is my master). This is when I came to realise why I have an incessant need to be in a relationship, to strap myself to someone in order to be loved, just so I can hate everyone else.
Here’s a very happy nine-months-and-many-years-ago-your-dad-didnt-use-a-condom day to all you November kids.
Biggest fucking faggot? Big Friendly Foot? Binoculars Finding Food?
For some reason, my brain does a memory wipe everytime I learn what BFF stands for. Every year or so, I stumble upon “BFF” and can only get as far as knowing that one of the F stands for friends.
I suppose I should be glad that my brain actually despises useless shit.
I’m in a constant battle of trying to figure out whether I want to be normal or special. We can have an endless pointless argument about how because everyone wants to be special, they in end become normal too…but we aren’t going to do that.
There are parts of me that are, for lack of a better word, broken. I wish for those things to be fixed, i’m not asking for something spectacular, just normalcy. I wish my family was normal, I wish my addictions were normal, I wish my obsessive compulsiveness were normal, I wish my thoughts were normal…I wish to have normal thoughts.
And there are parts of me that are “special.” I have a brilliant mind, and I know this. I have insights on things that would take people decades to realise (One of which is a certain technology that will revolutionize usb devices, and in the future, any kind of power delivering medium), my obsessive curiousity that enables me to be that annoying person that knows something about everything, and the speed in which I absorb knowledge.
The desire to be normal not only makes what is bad about me better, but also takes whatever is good - and squashes it. The key issue at hand then is to find a balance, but really, how do you balance evil thoughts with doing something good?
It’s like sticking one of your hands in freezing water, and boiling the other.
Was corny.
More later.
I’m quite a conservative guy, I avoid sticky situations and I dislike taking risks that are anything lower than 90%, but fate has it that I get into peculiar situations once in a while, such as the one tonight.
My boss announces at work today that there’s a killing to be made, high end computers selling for $200-300 a piece, market selling it for at least $700 or so. I quickly agree, hoping to make a very badly needed buck without finding the details first.
Come 5 hours later, I find out that I need to put in approximately $1,000 dollars more because everyone else has bailed out, we did not have enough, and the guy was on his way to deliver the 18 computers. I quickly borrow $800 from my friends (note, I almost NEVER borrow money) to make sure we don’t get shot by the guy when he finds out we don’t have the money.
It only gets better.
Next, I find out that the reason the computers are going so cheap is because the person’s cybercafe apparently burnt down, so the deal we’re getting involved in has “insurance fraud” written all over it. So there we were, sitting in the university car lot, almost $5,000 in 20 dollar bills, police cars periodically checking up on us because 8 people are crowding around an ATM at 11pm at night. Nothing fishy here sir. No sirreebob. Just a couple of college students gathering up cash to buy 18 insurance-fraud-computers.
I suppose it didn’t help either that the person who set this deal up is a maniac joker. Nope, it didn’t help that he went to the guy who was waiting at his house for half an hour for us to arrive and told him “Hey man, we decided not to go for it. It just isn’t worth it,” and tell him a minute later that he was joking. I’m just thankful he didn’t pull out a gun on us and proceed to rob us dry, because he very well could have.
So as it stands, I used the money that was meant for my insurance (I bet i’ll break something tomorrow), owe my friends money, and sitting on financial opportunity that could possibly land me in jail.
Next time, I’m sticking to the safer option of dealing drugs to children.
HAHA! It is fixed! Due to my interest in building a new website, I was messing around with WordPress and viola! You now have the girls kissing in the banner once again.
*fap fap fap*
Thank you, thank you.
HP 17″ Laptop, 2.5GHZ, 4gb ram, 250 gb HDD, 512 geforce 8600M GT - $1140 USD
Mac Book Pro 17″ Laptop, 2.5GHZ, 4gb ram, 250 gb HDD, 512 Geforce 8600M GT - $3350 USD
Man, I can’t even think of a punchline.
Steven Lim. Steven Lim. Steven Lim. Steven Lim. Stevelim.net http://www.stevelim.net I love Steven Lim Oh my god I want to fuck Steven Lim. I am a hot 18 year old which chick with dynamite cans and I am hot for Steven Lim. Steven Lim Steven Lim. Please look me up Steven Lim.
I’m not sure how Google works, but I desperately, desperately hope the magnificent Steven Lim finds this page. One second looking at this guy’s website (http://www.stevenlim.net) tells me this guy is googling himself every fucking day, so hopefully somehow he gets here. For those of you who don’t know who this guy is, fear not, I myself only about ten minutes ago stumbled upon his majesty. He is basically the best looking guy in Singapore, if not the world. He also wields the English language with the kind of accuracy a drunk shows a fucking urinal, but it’s all just part of his charm. Check out the video that won me over:
As you can see there are two major burns:
1. Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
2. You sucks, you sucks, sucks, sucks sucks etc
Also, if this guy isn’t eating cock every night I will be flat out stupefied:
Steven Lim I hate you. Hit me back, man. Chew my ass out like the bad ass you are.
