This

I have the usher line.

And I spent the rest of the night, wondering why I couldn’t breathe properly, why my left nostril was sticky.

I soon realised that the gummy bear went up my left nostril because I when I dug my nose, my finger turned blue. 18 hours later, I am still breathing in blue gummy + snot.

Yummy.

To be honest, I’m pretty disappointed at where Suckball is today. Back in 2002/2003(?), we were achieving some 1,000 unique visitors a day, and thousands more returning. There are a few sites that have suckball as their stepping stone to their fame today, the most famous being xiaxue without doubt. I vowed that Suckball will never die, and here it is slowing dying out with 300-500 uniques a day, most of whom i’m convinced are perverts, hoping to see vacuum action with testicles.

The reason for the lack of updates (on my part anyway) is because I absolutely hate our current layout, how our articles are archived (and lost), so it is demoralizing working with this shitty WordPress interface. Excuses aside, now that my finals and commitments are over, I’ll be spending a significant amount of time on Suckball, and maybe get this alive and kicking again.

And just because people like looking at photos, here are three photos encompassing the coolest people i’ve met all semester.

Asgar from Denmark

Marine from France, Reyhan from England

Ian from Portugal

 

Once? I meant twice.
1) I was having sex in a car at a dead end. Police came by, so I turned on the engine car and blasted it. The cop car had to make a 3 point turn, so I quickly parked my car, turned off the engine and hid under my seat.
2) There was a road block in front of me, I was drunk, so I thought it would be a good idea to go on the opposide side of the road to escape. There was a cop car waiting for imbeciles like me to do just that. About 5 seconds into the car chase, I realised that I was being dumb and pulled over. The cop car did not have a breathlizer machine, so I got away scott free again.

The End.

An immigration officer that the vibrator (it was a rabbit) he took out of my suitcase is actually used to massage the hand. I went into detail about the different modes and speeds you can choose.

No, he didn’t buy my story.

There exists now, a FACEBOOK page for my book, ‘THE RUDE MECHANICAL’ which should be available through Amazon any day now.

I don’t know if I’m retarded, or what but I can’t seem to find it when I search for it. So, here is the direct link: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=9645485066

Please join the group. Leave a message on the wall about how awesome a writer I am and how you can’t wait to get your hands on the book, or something. And also, make sure to check back so that you can buy this sucker as soon as it’s available. There’s also a brand new excerpt, that I put up there. Thanks a lot, guys. Peace.

Can someone confirm this please? Wiki says its true, so it has to be!

I’m currently taking two, no three classes for my advanced general electives, and all of them deal with, in one way or another, discrimination against women throughout history. I came to realise that today that men can no longer do whatever is “right.” Let me give you an example.

The word “gentleman” is primarily used to describe how a man treats a woman, his poise, manners, and stature. Clearly, being a “gentleman” is a good thing. Being gentleman-ly would include holding the door for a woman, carrying things that look heavy too heavy for a woman to handle, putting an expensive coat over a puddle of water just so she can walk across etc. Whats wrong with this you ask?
The word “gentleman” was coined up in a highly highly gender biased era, so the word in itself is discriminatory, let alone the actions that are associated with it. Aforementioned, the acts such as putting a coat over a puddle of water, depicts women as “helpless” and therefore requires a man in order to keep their pretty dress from getting wet, as if walking around the puddle is such a mountainous task.

True, women are biologically weaker (Though I believe this is only true due to the centuries of oppression, which led to the devolution of women), but the fact that there are terms to describe how a gender treats the other should raise concern. If women are to be equal, they need to expect equal treatment as well.

Which brings me to this, the two reasons why gender bias exists in the world today is because:

a) Many women have no problem with the bias. (He’s such a gentleman)

b) Many women enjoy the benefits of being a woman. (Please. Like you’ve never used your sexuality to gain an advantage)

It is simply impossible for “gentlemen” to exist if women want gender equality. Women brought upon themselves the discrimination and gender inequality they faced yesterday, today, and for many years to come. So please, please stop whining about bei
ng treated unfairly because you’re a girl, when just yesterday you wore a low cut dress to try to score a free drink you hypocrites.

i mean suckball, has hopefully been fixed. Seriously, those penis enlargement pills just don’t work.