I’m back!
Due to the high demand for a piece of my ass, I’ve decided to list my prerequisites. So for those for do not comply, should not apply.In no particular order

1) You must be hot.

Well, maybe just this one is in order. I can not begin to emphasize the importance of knowing you’re hot. It doesn’t necessarily mean you need to be physically hot, as physical beauty only counts for so much, but there’s nothing that turns me off more than someone who lacks self-confidence.

Someone who thinks of themselves anything less than being the hottest person on earth really isn’t worth my time. Honestly, how could you actually look at someone and think “that person is a much better person that i’ll ever be”?
Well….actually being physically hot wouldn’t hurt either.

2) Matches my sex drive

This may be a little difficult to match, but worry not, i’m sure if there’s hormone therapy to reduce the drive, there has to be therapy that does the exact opposite. The fact that I wank to an excess of 3-6 times a day should give a general idea of my expectations.

If for some reason sex-drive-increase therapy doesn’t exist, the individual must be willing to “service” me several times a day. *

3) Must not drink beer, own any apple products and is not religious.

I’m slightly lenient on the religious part, applications will be accepted as long as the individual is not in any kind of religion that believes that there’s only one god. Any kind of religion that disregards the existence of other religions in the world is bound to cause problems. Simply conforming to such a religion automatically labels you murderer, no less.

Own an Apple product? Read here, and here**
“My wife wants to get a mac. I think that’s grounds for divorce”
Beer is classless. It’s served in a burly man mug, tastes like a burly man’s cooking, causes a burly man burp and has a burly man smell. I’ve yet to meet a hot girl who drinks beer and i’m pretty damn sure they don’t exist.

4) Must not be easy

James and I, along with every other male i’ve ever conversed with on this topic, agree that there’s no bigger turn off than an easy lay. It prematurely ends chase, desireability and kills anything to look forward to. I have been guilty of doing the leaving-the-morning-after (and they were in no way unattractive mind you) but to my defense, it’s like waking up next to coyote ugly because appeal really just disappears after orgasm.
As pimp master Jay-Z puts it,
“You know I, thug em, fuck em, love em, cause I don’t fucking need em”

Yeah you feelin’ me? (Though I’m not entirely sure what “thug em” means)

5) Non-Materialistic

People who are materialistic are compensating, and you can quote me on that. Be it title, wealth, cars, social standing, race…the list goes on. Of my entire list, I don’t think there’s anything lower than a materialist, well maybe apart from a religious hypocrite.
“Coz we’re living in a material world, and I am a material ho.”

6) A democrat

The fact that George Bush got elected to be a President and he’s a republican should give you a clue.

7) A narcissist

This matches to 1) but there are points that it doesn’t cover. I believe that everyone should be a narcissist, anything else would show weakness, lack of self confidence and self respect. Looking up to somebody and believing they’re better than you simply puts yourself down.
Being a narcissist doesn’t mean that one should look down on everyone, that’s being ignorant. My list of idols are far and wide, ranging from Muhammad Ali to Mother Theresa. But all I have for these brilliant people is nothing more than just respect. Yes Mother Theresa dedicated her life to saving thousands of lives, but my life isn’t worthless simply because her path is different than mine.

Set the benchmark.
A non smoker

Read here