I’m one of those people who thought that SPIDERMAN 2 was a masterpiece. So it’s extremely disappointing to have to see SPIDERMAN 3 fail so miserably. I literally mean it when the best part of this movie was Bryce Dallas-Howard. I’ll put my hands up and say I was only moderately aroused when I saw her in THE VILLAGE, but homegirl is SMOKIN hot in SPIDEY 3. Which asks the question, why the fuck, in what universe would Peter Parker ever choose MJ Watson over Gwen Stacy. This films just promotes bullshit if we’re supposed to believe he would go for that bitchy hack, whose only enduring plus is that she’s a red-head. But I guess they’re ‘in love’, and so the bullet-proof movie romance mechanism wins once again (even though she’s a bitch and he’s a superhero, but go figure).

The other huge problem with this movie was concerning the villains. I will always believe that a superhero movie is only as good as its villains. That’s why SUPERMAN RETURNS sucked and why the DVD cover of BATMAN AND ROBIN can send Mongolian tribes fleeing for their lives. Thus, SPIDERMAN 3’s massive failing was in the department of villain development. The SANDMAN spent most of the movie doing absolutely nothing. That’s basically it. He goes to see his kid and then he robs a bank. That’s it. But the thing is, that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that due to Avi Arad’s constant busting of Sam Raimi’s chops, VENOM was forced into the movie in the way that dicks are forced into Paris Hilton - just for effortless satisfaction. Problem is though, now arguably Spiderman’s coolest villain is wasted on twenty minutes of the gayest, least cool guy from THAT 70’s SHOW. Part of why Venom is cool is because he looks fucking bad ass. For some reason, it was decided that whenever Venom was on screen in SPIDERMAN 3, we should probably tone down the coolness and have Eddie Brock reveal his face all the time. It’s just retarded. The character sucks. Venom should have been the ONLY villain in the movie and he should have been played by someone who unlike Topher Grace was a) able to say ‘WE ARE VENOM and b) not a faggot.

Basically there’s just too much shit going on in this movie. There’s also a part of the movie where Peter Parker decides he’s the ugly one from FALLOUT BOY that’s banging Ashlee Simpson, and goes on a parade around New York being a douchebag, before capping his whole fall from grace with a grandiose dose of hi MJ, look at how much of a prick I am. On the positive side he does (albeit inadvertently) smack Kirsten Dunst to the floor. Maybe now she’ll think again before doing MARIE ANTOINETTE.

Whatever, the movie sucks. I can’t write a proper review because I have an exam tomorrow and I’m nowhere near ready.

ALSO, just a quick note on Paris Hilton’s 45 day prison sentencing. All of you people that signed the petition to jail Paris Hilton, HERE, with notes like twat ‘Ian Gould’, who says Make an example of her. Compulsory sterilization. Fools like her must not be allowed to breed are fucking idiots. It’s okay to take digs at her when she wears a shitty dress, falls of a motorcycle or sucks some guys dick, but this is prison we’re talking about. I absolutely despise Paris Hilton and everything she represents about our culture, but I don’t want her to go to jail, certainly not for 45 days. Jail isn’t just you being locked in a room and unable to do anything. It’s not even shitty meals. It’s you getting fucked up in the shower by some big bitch with a metallica tattoo just because you’re Paris Hilton, and that’s just unfair. That’s not justice. All she did was drive with a suspended license. If you could guarantee me that she would just be left to do her time, then yes, I’d vote for it, but that’s just not gonna happen.

45 days is just fucking excessive. And you people are fucking assholes if you think she deserves to “end up as someones lesbian love slave, then shanked in the showers”, as number one cunt muscle ‘Brandon’ proposes. That’s just wrong, you guys act as if she skull fucked an orphan child or karate kicked your grandma or something. I really don’t think it’s funny or clever to say shit like that. Prison is supposed to be about your inability to do what you want for a given time, and to be forced to sustain on only the most meagre circumstances. I believe she should be granted this guarantee, if she has to go away for 45 days. I truly feel sorry for her. Even though I really do not like her.