Flat out I’m gonna say this. It’s without a doubt the best movie I’ve seen in years, and probably one of the best I’ve seen in my life. I haven’t gushed in a review for a LONG time, but this one fucking deserves it. The only thing that I have bad to say about this movie off the bat, is the reports I have read that the screenwriter, William Monahan didn’t read or see the original because he wanted to infuse his/Scorsese’s flavour into the picture. This is complete bullshit. I’m not sure if the reports of this are bogus, but if they aren’t gimme a fucking break, there are so many things that happen EXACTLY the same as in Infernal Affairs. But whatever, I don’t want to rag on this movie at all.

This film is Martin Scorsese’s best ever work. I don’t give a shit about Raging Bull and I certainly don’t give a shit about Goodfellas once I’ve seen this juicy mother fucker. Casino was my favourite Scorsese piece up until today and even that can’t compare. Personally, I didn’t really like the guy’s work, I don’t think he can do third acts. But my fucking god this movie is fantastic. Scorsese is regularly fucked over at the Oscars and I usually say ’so what, the Aviator was shit’, but if the guy wins this time I will be the first to clap.

While it’s ostensibly the two young players, Jack Nicholson is really the star of this movie. A lot of people in the MTV generation (technically me) don’t appreciate Nicholson. You kinda have these sketchy memories that he may or may not have played the Joker at some point, and you know he was in that hemerhoid of a movie About Schmidt. You also are aware of his involvement in the movie that felt it necessary to show Diane Keaton’s fifty year old breasts (Something’s Gotta Give). The point is though, you don’t remember when he was in Chinatown and One Flew Over THe Cuckoo’s Nest - the good shit. Well my friends, the bastard is back. Off the top of my head I think Jack Nicholson has been nominated something like twelve times for an Oscar and he has won three of them. That is fucking legendary, and if he wins one this year do not be surprised. He chews up scenery like he’s Kirstie Alley at Pizza Hut.

I’m one of those people who prefers Ben Affleck to Matt Damon. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it, I know Affleck is a colossal ass and his chin could level a city block, but for some reason he just seems to be more interesting. It might be because he dated J-Lo or it might be because Matt Damon is blander than a fucking slice of white bread. The man has absolutely no charisma. Look at the Oceans’ movies, it shows, he looks like a fucking tool whenever he shares the screen with any of George Clooney’s squad who isn’t the techy geek or the chinese guy that can summersault. He delivers a usually bland and uninspired performance in The Departed, but its not enough to rock the movie because everyone else involved is busy generating Oscar buzz. Also, is it just me or for a person who grew up in Boston, does Matt Damon not have the worst fake Boston accent ever? Everyone else seems to have no problem with it, but Damon’s I just want to punch in the face. Is it his accent? Or is it just the fact that he’s Matt Damon?

Okay so I lied Mark Wahlberg isn’t doing shit either. He is also sporting the worst hairstyle ever known to man. But even though he isn’t doing anything, you love the scenes he’s in beause he’s either saying ‘woop de fucking do’, ‘fuck your mother’ or punching Matt Damon in the face which just doesn’t get old. I don’t know why but I realised during this movie that Mark Wahlberg’s mouth is fucking ginormous. Boy scouts could camp in that fucking thing. It’s like a canoe. There was one scene where he was shouting at Di Caprio and I was concerned that he might actually swallow him whole. When this movie goes to DVD you’ll probably need a widescreen or they’re gonna have to include a new pan & scan feature.

Leo Dicaprio is probably one of the top five young actors of his time. You’ve got Christian Bale and Ed Norton and off the top of my head I can’t really go further than that. He is pretty much peerless. And in this movie he gets to show just how fucking good he is. Opposite Damon he looks like fucking Jesus Christ. His performance is airtight, perfect. I can’t say enough good about the work he did on this film so I’m just gonna leave it there.

The pacing of the movie is frantic and it fits perfectly. There’s about twenty minutes before the titlecard and it works beautifully. It’s vicious from start to finish both with the action and with the humour, completely remorseless. As with all Scorsese joints there’s plenty of blood, people being beat to death with poles and beer mugs and all that shit.

I’m not sure I agree with the blow jobs Monahan is getting for his screenplay when it’s basically a lift of the original. He’s getting so much praise for ‘dealing with such a complex storyline and chronology’ but it was already right fucking there for him. What the fuck?

There’s definitely enough here to make this Scorsese’s biggest earner ever, I’ve no doubt it’ll make over $100 million, but whether it’ll finally get him an Oscar I’m not so sure. Babel hits this year and a bunch of other really good looking stuff (Fur looks fantastic and Little Children is having critics orgasm in the cinema). Either way it’s a hell of an achievement, and the song that plays perfectly through the movie is ‘Shipping Up To Boston’ by Dropkick Murphys.

Peace.