I’m in a constant battle of trying to figure out whether I want to be normal or special. We can have an endless pointless argument about how because everyone wants to be special, they in end become normal too…but we aren’t going to do that.

There are parts of me that are, for lack of a better word, broken. I wish for those things to be fixed, i’m not asking for something spectacular, just normalcy. I wish my family was normal, I wish my addictions were normal, I wish my obsessive compulsiveness were normal, I wish my thoughts were normal…I wish to have normal thoughts.

And there are parts of me that are “special.” I have a brilliant mind, and I know this. I have insights on things that would take people decades to realise (One of which is a certain technology that will revolutionize usb devices, and in the future, any kind of power delivering medium), my obsessive curiousity that enables me to be that annoying person that knows something about everything, and the speed in which I absorb knowledge.

The desire to be normal not only makes what is bad about me better, but also takes whatever is good - and squashes it. The key issue at hand then is to find a balance, but really, how do you balance evil thoughts with doing something good?

It’s like sticking one of your hands in freezing water, and boiling the other.