I come to terms with the fact that I can never be correct when writing one of these. Everyone has their own opinion and I have really weird taste. Plus let’s face it, I’m spending a guy half an hour for the most part just objectifying women. Anyway, that said…

#9 - Jennifer Love Hewitt

Gains Points For: Absolutely no doubt, un-matched natural beauty. She is fucking amazing. Plus she (un like those other stars) ALWAYS uses her sexuality in every movie she;s in. There’s always an occasion where she’s in a bra or a type top in cold weather or whatever. I bet whenever a director is told she’s signed on he’s always like fuck write in that bikini party scene again, we’ve got Love Hewitt on board and we’ve gotta get our money’s worth… I’m trying to figure out why she isn’t #1…
Loses Points For: …Oh no, that’s right.. Ghost Whisperer. Isn’t it supposed to go from small-screen to big-screen, not the other way around?

#8 - Parker Posey

Gains Points For: I’m absolutely certain there’s someone hot underneath all that shit. She’s the undisputed queen of ‘indie movies’ and that counts for something in the MTV gernation of 2 Fast 2 Furious. Plus her performance in Blade Trinity
Loses Points For: Always looking like shit

#7 - David Villa’s right foot

Gains Points For: I fucking love this guy. I am happily eating my words when last season I referred to him as ‘fucking David Villa’. I never thought there’d come a day when I could honestly say I think Valencia might have the second best striker in the world, only behind Sammy Eto’o. Henry is potentially better but he’s not doing shit and Rooney hasn’t played well for well over half a year. And this guy is scoring for fun. He’s gonna bring us the Champions League title.
Loses Points For: If he gets injured then its back to Fernando Morientes.

#6 - Ciara

Gains Points For: Riding the Missy Elliot gravy train to super fame. I was thinking the other day that if I somehow magically became famous and could go out with any other celebrity it would be Ciara. I’m not sure why, but I’m pretty certain. My girlfriend thinks I might be secretly black (or ‘ghetto’) inside.
Loses Points For:

#6 - Rihanna

Gains Points For: Being probably the hottest woman in R & B.
Loses Points For:Everything else. When she dances she looks like she might be epileptic or applying lotion and her songs could probably end the world if played enough.

#5 - Gouki’s Raging Demon

Gains Points For: Being the coolest super in all the Street Fighter Universe
Gains points for: Hurting like shit and being fucking cool if not being for the most parts absolutely fucking useless. I was at an arcade randomly the other day and I hate some guy with this sucker it was fucking fantastic.
Loses Points For:If you use this against anyone who knows what they’re doing you’re most probably going to eat super.

#4 - Milla Jovovich

Gains Points For: Being married to Luc Besson. That guy’s awesome. Also, in case you haven’t noticed she is stupidly hot. And surprisingly courageous in terms of movie roles..
Loses Points For: I’m not sure if this is on going but I know that she was at one point married to Paul “The Franchise Killer” Anderson, the guy that directed Mortal Kombat, AVP and (probably how they hooked up) Resident Evil. I hate that guy.

#3 - Emmy Rossum

Gains Points For: Being outrageously cute. Outrageously. Also, I’m not sure what it is about them but I really like her eyes. She does for eyes what Angelina Jolie does for lips.
Loses Points For: Being beyond bland. She also looks like she’s is a fucking galoot. Not Paris Hilton level stupid, but certainly somewhere in the vicinity.

#2 - Natalie Portman

Gains Points For: Keeping her clothes on at all times, not being a whore for the camera. She also had the best first performance of all time. At the age of like 3, she happened to be in a film opposite Gary “the greatest actor of our time” Oldman, playing the best villain ever committed to celluloid.
Loses Points For: Keeping her clothes on at all times, not being a whore for the camera.

#1 - Leah Remini

Gains Points For: Being crazy hot. She has that sweet ass attitude that should belong to a big fat Italian woman from the Bronx. She also has these really weird weight fluctuations and I like heavy girls :)!
Loses Points For: Not being in enough film. So you have to put up with the asinine humour of King of Queens (the fat guy from Hitch and Ben Stiller’s dad) every fucking day to get a fix.