I want to be sedated.

Second day in a row whereby I pass out from 2pm-10pm due to the all infamous jetlag. I anticipate spending the next 12 or so hours online, watching frasier and eating some toast with bovril. But enough about me, lets take a look at the current affairs in the world today

1) Snakes on the plane is numero uno on the US Box Office. Nevermind that critics are calling it “the worst best movie” you should watch, and everyone i know has called it the funniest shitpile ever.

2) K-Fed made his debut and his marketing representative probably paid all the news agencies to write things like “Federline Raps, and He’s Not Half Bad”. As if riding off Britney’s fame isn’t bad enough, he had her introduce his act at the Teen Choice Awards also known as, The people who know the best music awards. If anyone dares tell me that you need talent to succeed in pop culture, imma PoPoZao your ass.

3) It turns out Osama Bin Laden wanted a piece of Whitney Houston and wanted to kill Bobby Brown. Of course people are sucking it up like a frappuccino not realising that this is written by his sex slave of four months a good 10 years ago. Nevermind that it could possibly be propaganda say from the obvious lines like “he would be willing to break his colour rule and make her one of his wives.” and “her husband Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women’s husbands killed.” would be the kind of things an Islamic extremist would say in order to capture the hearts of his suicidal goons.

4) SanDisk releases an 8gb music player, hoping to capture some of Apple’s gigantous 87% market share. Apple bigwigs laugh on, as they continue assraping their consumers with overpriced inferior products. A waiter overheard them saying “Seriously, would you tell your friends that you have a SanDisk music player? It’s like boasting that your sports car is so much better than the new 911 Porsche and then saying it’s a Nissan. LOLROFLMAO!”

5) The infamous kinkypugkevin was caught saying that he likes little school boys. And I quote “hey find me a nice boy and bring him back for me thanks“, undoubtedly to his dark little pedophillic lair.

 That’s all for the Suckball news. Stay tuned for more.