I wrote up what I thought were the seven best films of 2007 but I had some catching up to do. I still haven’t seen THERE WILL BE BLOOD, which irks me no end, since PT Anderson is one of my all-time favourite directors. Still, I did see two more that came out last year, which have gotten a ton of markedly poor press and I am here to set you straight. I would hate for people to miss out on either of these films just because the reviews have been poor.

I can’t vouch for the writing that follows because I am literally falling asleep as I write this…

THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES BY THE COWARD ROBERT FORD

This film is awesome. It’s slightly long but you can take it because the acting is strong as hell and the cinematography is flat out fucking beautiful. This film gave me a massive cinema boner. I absolutely loath Westerns and I haven’t enjoyed one since TOMBSTONE rocked my world as a teenager. This thing literally changed my life. This film also made me realise I know absolutely nothing about music, because the score floored me and it wasn’t even nominated for an Oscar. THERE WILL BE BLOOD and INTO THE WILD were disqualified from selection and this film’s score still didn’t even make it. That’s like losing an egg-and-spoon race with 5 regular kids and 2 retards. If you don’t like the track ‘A Song For Jesse’, which plays as the film opens, I fucking hate you and you suck. I literally have no idea how Brad Pitt didn’t get a nod for Best Actor, especially in such a weak field this year. George Clooney? Fuck off… We all know DDL is gonna win it, throw the man a fucking nomination. Plus, Casey Affleck should in my opinion be taking that Best Supporting Oscar home but as we know Bardem already practically owns the thing. An undeserved Oscar AND he gets to go home and fuck Penelope Cruz that dude has an awesome life. What was I talking about?

LARS AND THE REAL GIRL

Aside from THE NOTEBOOK (which I can man-up and admit I like) Ryan Gosling hasn’t made a single good movie. He’s probably the most talented actor of his generation but either he can’t pick films for shit or he’s picking them on a dare. This film is almost another characteristic turd, but turns out Gosling is so good he can make shit into sugar. I don’t know why I enjoyed it so much but I did. It might be because I keep thinking about how NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN is going to win Best Picture and I fucking hate that thing. That ending is just horrific. Nonsensical. Anyway this film is downright weird, but I loved it. You will love it too. Or else you suck.